Wednesday, September 20, 2006

I take horrendous pictures...

Really really horrendous pictures. I don't honestly think I look as horrible as I do in pictures, but maybe I'm incorrect and have a poor idea of how ugly I actually am.

Do you find it funny that people don't really give a damn what anyone else looks like in a picture? I know, generally speaking, if I look good in a picture (which is ever so rare), I want to blow it up in billboard form and place it over Jefferson Davis Highway.

I have several friends who always look immaculate in pictures. Alison's the funniest one though, because she has a Paris Hilton ability with posing in pictures. So much so, that I constantly look like a dishelved Brandon Davis next to her. I don't think the two of us have taken a good picture next to one another in about 7 years, not since I developed my intense fear of cameras. I'm like a child stuck on a potty with her mom watching when it comes to pictures. Too much pressure to perform. I never look good.

I asked Suave why all her pictures look divine. "I tilt to my head, pivot my body, and place my hands on my hip." I tried her pose next to her and resembled a drag queen.

I had to beg both Suave and Grants Boy to take down a picture of the three of us they both placed on MySpace. Here's the email chain yesterday:

From: GB
To: Sam
Subject: Good Morning

Hi, I saw your comments [on MySpace regarding the picture] this morning. I’m sorry that I can’t accommodate you but I can’t take those pics down from the myspace page. I like them too much! Everything ok in your world?

From: Sam
To: GB and Suave
Subject: Pictures

So, here's what going to happen regarding me looking horrid in pictures-

Basically, if you people keep putting them up, I'm gonna think you see me lookin' like that in real life. If I look like I do in pictures, I'm never ever leaving the house (let alone taking another picture with either of you beautiful people). So, that being said, I've editted myself out of that picture you both seem to like so much. It's attached. I realize GB looks like a JCrew model and Suave a Hawaiian Tropics doll, but can we please take a moment to realize that I look like a Fraggle!

As my friends, please don't contribute to my upcoming oger seclusion. K?

I've been told they've taken down the pictures.

On another note, Peter went to the Nationals vs. Braves game last night. His company's tickets are close enough to see some tight baseball butts. Not that he cared, but he did take this prize-winning photo for my bedside table of Chipper's adorable rear, though it is not quite the perky bubble it once was... damn baseball! First they toss away the hottest guy ever in baseball, Javy Lopez, then Trot Nixon gets ugly at Red Sox camp, and now, Chipper's toosh has gone to shit. It's enough to push me into watching Soccer.

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