Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Hypothetically Speaking

Hypothetical questions are ridiculous.

If you ask me: "If you were the only person left on the planet, would you still wear clothing?" It just doesn't make any sense. Why would I be the only person left on the planet? A bomb? A mass fire? A huge plague? And, if that was the case, the bomb and the fire would blow or burn up all of my clothes, and I'd have to burn or blow up my clothes to get off the plague germs. It just doesn't make sense.

APK asked Peter if he would hypothetically date me. APK explained that this is how guys ask what their buddies think of a girl. Why not just ask, "So, what do you think of Sam?"

He asked me the same thing about Peter a while ago. I responded that, hypothetically, yes. However, in my hypothetical, world he never dated my good friend, the two of us didn't have to make any important decisions (with our mutual indecisiveness, we'd be stuck trying to figure out what we should eat for dinner for so long that we'd both starve to death), and he's not best friends with my boyfriend. Hypothetically doesn't bring us to any sort of conclusion, except that I think he's cute. Basically. It only proves that I'd only date him if we weren't who we are at all.

Like I said, hypothetical questions don't make any sense.

Economists like hypothetical questions though. Lots and lots of hypothetical questions.

Sitting at APK's table eating tacos the other night, he asked me which of my friends, hypothetically, could I see him wanting to watch in porn. "This is ridiculous," I snorted. "No one I'm friends with would ever do porn."

"But it is hypothetical."
"I'm not answering this. I don't want to think about my friends having sex with you."
"They're having sex with someone else. I'm just watching."

Towards the beginning of the relationship, he asked me, hypothetically, who I would sleep with of his friends. I answered. Fully answered. He deserved it for asking. He told me to stop answering as I detailed why. He didn't reaaaaallly want me to answer. But it's hypothetical.

Good Lord. Boys are dumb sometimes.

The Master wanted my opinion on a guy she just started dating, so she asked me, "What did you think of him?" I said, "He was nice." She said, "You said nice. Suave said fine. I guess you didn't like him." "Oh no, we did like him. Sorry. We just didn't get a chance to talk to him all that much. He seems funny, smart, cute, and kind. He seems to like you much too." You see how much better an answer that is?

There aren't really hypothetical questions in girl world, well, outside of "If you had no spending limit at all, where would shop?"


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