Friday, June 30, 2006

Kickball, Softball, and so on...

So Wednesday night I went to my first ever kickball game. 3 friends play on the top team in one of the DC Kickball leagues.

I still think it's funny as hell.

Apparently, so do some authors. Check this book out (in Business Week last week).

Peter played his best game, though the team still lost. As Suave and I were sitting under a tree watching and whistling for the boys, one of Peter's friends walked by us. One of Peter's friends who is consistently around both Suave and I. One of Peter's friends who HOOKS UP with one of Suave's friends. He didn't recognize us. When we shockingly admitted who we were and that he had recently RSVPed to an evite we sent out, he apologized that he'd not been around us sober. Wow. But as he was walking away, I reminded Suave that we don't necessarily care one way or another and that neither of us generally put him on the evite anyways (he's added by Peter and the Lost Boys mostly).

But still. STD much?

After the game, we headed to Tom Tom's. Filthy Tom Toms. I'd prefer to lay on an unwashed hospital bed sheet than sit on one of those upstairs couches. Seriously, a girl could get pregnant just by making contact.

There were many attractive men. That's about the most positive thing I could say. I joked that I couldn't join in on flip cup because I might break a nail. The truth is, I wouldn't join in on flip cup because I might sit on the couch afterwards AND because cheap beer and sweaty guys haven't done it for me since I was 18 years old and proclaimed Sister Lightweight in my sorority.

I insulted the owner. I didn't realize he was the owner. He said he "runs" the league. I figured that was something like being a Manager at CVS. You don't own the store you just manage the contents and employees. So I think he was hitting on Suave, Suave's friend, and I.

I asked him why his shirt said "Local Celebrity." Seemed a bit pretentious, no?

He said, "Well, I manage this league."

Then he looked at me like I was supposed to care. Notably, when I drink, I think I lose some of the infamous attitude.

So, I tell him, "Oh, well this is my first kickball experience. Peter and company wanted me to experience the action."

He said, "Well, I'm the one who runs this whole thing."

Holy Shit, who is this kid?

So then the attitude returns. "Yeah. You know people say you're like the pigs in Animal Farm. At first you wanted to do something totally different than WAKA but now, you're walking on your hind legs just like them."

Shocked, he took his eyes OFF Suave's chest.

"Is that, like, a metaphor?"

"Yeah, it means you wanted to be different but now you're the same."


And then he walked away to go chat up some fat, sweaty, blonde chick.

At least Peter and company thought it was funny. I didn't realize he OWNED the league. I'm certainly not that bitchy. Although, the Local Celebrity t-shirt was about as pathetic as tattooing your own name onto your arm.

Last night, I headed to the Mall to see APK's college alumni team play softball. GS was there too. So their team got voted the best looking girls in the league. The girls are certainly the most svelte out there. Some chick on another one of the teams, about 200 pounds minimum, decided it'd be a good idea to stretch beside us. Her thighs must have hurt, because I saw an awful lot of crotch in the stretching. Blah, I think I just lost my breakfast. The Button was looking awful good. I'm sure she's a normal person. It's probably just because she'd been sleeping with The Bacon. Okay, now I am going to lose my breakfast.

APK's off to Philly tonight. I'm off to the Devil Wears Prada.

I asked the girls I'm going with if we should wear Prada to the premiere. Sabrina new I was joking, though I don't know that her friends did. I got 2 responses that neither of them had designer clothes. Geez. Can you imagine?


  • At July 04, 2006, Blogger Angelina said…

    sam: as usual, understated and hysterical.

  • At March 03, 2007, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Sorry. Reading this late but did a search for "DC Kickball sucks" on google and got led to this. haven't personally met crabassa in person but over email sounds like a pompous piece of $hit and i have to laugh so hard that you put him in his place. in a town with some of the most powerful people in the world, it takes quite a bit of narcissim to call one's self a local celeb. classic.


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