Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Is it possible to develop sexual chemistry with someone?

Suave and I were talking about this yesterday.

The case FOR being able to create chemistry-
How can best friends suddenly find themselves attracted to one another after years and years of being platonic friends if chemistry can't grow?

The case AGAINST being able to create chemistry-
Did those best friends find themselves attracted to one another before the actual sexual chemistry was acknowledged? Did they choose not to proceed with the attraction because of outside variables like other partners or career-driven mentalities that might mess up the friendship?

If you don't want to kiss someone on the first time you find yourself attracted to them as a person, is it possible that you'll never want to kiss them?

And what if you've not seen someone in a really long time. Like, you both went off to college and grew up and then found yourself interested in one another. I had this with a friend last summer. But, while home, I saw a video I recorded back during the Summer before I left for college. I watched how I talked to him on the tape. I was interested. Well, I was definitely curious.

From my experience, I believe that you can't force sexual chemistry. I think attraction is about more than we give nature credit for. Sometimes you are. Sometimes you are not. And you can't create the naturally occurring elements.

My first crush in college happened in October of my Freshman year. I was in an Entomology 101 class with him. Of all the Greek members in the class, we were the only ones who attended the lectures. We both studied for the tests and volunteered for the Professor's case studies. I think we both ended up with 110 as our final great in the class.

He was cute. He was blonde. He was smart. He was a year older than me in a great fraternity. He was well-spoken. He grew up in a good family. What wasn't there to like?

He took me to get chocolate milk at the dining hall after class one day in November. We sat under a tree outside- sucking our milk through straws and jokingly describing each bug we saw... I was 18, this was romantic in my mind.

I'd blocked out the rest of the story. Kelly recently reminded me. The next week my sorority had an exchange at his fraternity. I realized that the president of his fraternity was interested in me. I was a freshman, and the really hot President of a great fraternity was interested in me. I realized that my crush would do much better with Kelly. They dated for about a week. Voila! Crush gone. You can imagine how things went with the president. We kissed that night and never spoke again.

My crush and I stayed friends. He dated a sorority sister of mine. I dated a friend of his. Life moved on.

Three years later, at the start of my junior year, my crush and I found each other single and drunk at a party. He asked me out for the next night. We went to dinner. He walked me home. We hugged goodnight. Then he asked me out again. We went pottery painting. He took me to dinner. He walked me home. We hugged goodnight. My friends all announced that we were THE MOST PERFECT COUPLE EVER! Our kids would be adorable! Our house would be immaculate and on Martha's Vineyard. We'd drive Volvos. But we hadn't kissed yet? "Oh, he's a gentleman," they said.

So, we went out again. He walked me home. He looked me in the eye and said "I'm definitely kissing you." And he did. For a while. And I felt... absolutely nothing. No butterflies. No passion. Nothing.

We went out a bit more, here and there. Kissed a bit more, here and there. I never stayed over. He never stayed over. Actually, in the midst of it all, I started frequently seeing my neighbor late night. I was drunk on my 21st birthday (imagine), and Kelly drove me over to his house because I decided this was the night it was going to happen.

I knocked on his window. He came out in boxers. I kissed him and ran back to the driveway before Kelly drove away. "You're not going to stay over?" "Nah. That's over."

And it was. We stayed friends. I saw him when I first graduated college and was living a town away from him in Connecticut. He took me to an Italian festival. I thought about kissing him again, but I have learned now that you can't build sexual chemistry. No matter how cute or perfect someone may be for you.


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