10 Reasons I am soooo over summer.
1) Getting soaked by rude people spraying their townhouse gardens with a hose. They always flash you a toothless smile after they drench your skirt.
2) Smelly people opting for Toms Natural deodorant. DC is a city full of diverse ethnicities, and I am willing to put up with body odor coming from a culture that does not permit covering it, or teach covering, or whatever. But the tree hugging DC crew smells. Baking soda may keep your freezer fresh and help your bread rise, but, dearness; it does not prevent sweating in 90 degree heat.
3) Cellulite coming at me from every viewpoint. Is every mirror in this city tilted at an angle like in the Club Monaco dressing room? Clothes are too small. Butts are hanging out everywhere. I am ready to transition back to the thong top popping out of jeans again. So much more civil, really.
4) Summer grooming is hideous. I am queasy from waiting hours for my pedicure at Q West, even though they have finally introduced a system where you sign in you name. It can get vicious when everyone has been waiting two hours, and they ask who is next. Frizzy hair would even be untamable for John Frieda in this humidity. Shaving every day adds ten minutes onto my morning prep time.
5) Mosquitoes on my legs, rats under cars, cock roaches on the street, and ants in the kitchen. I am not a bug or rodent person. I am over birds and crickets chirping. I want silence.
6) The pressure to maintain a tan is unfavorable. Having to get out of bed by 11am on the weekends to get good sunlight and keep that brown glow is just not fun.
7) There is always something going on during the summer, and I just want to stay in one night. Stay in and watch television and not feel like I am missing the party of the century. I want to cuddle up in a blanket and pajamas with a glass of red wine and play Scrabble. Dressing in heels and wandering the Georgetown waterfront bars has now gotten old.
8) I miss good television. I have been forced to watch Americas Got Talent instead of American Idol and reruns of Janice Dickinsons Modeling Agency instead of Americas Next Top Model. Lifetime has Reba and Still Standing on reruns now. I have been forced to watch those and look forward to the Simple Life.
9) Summer foods are not very good. Soup of the day is almost always gazpacho. I miss chicken noodle soup desperately. I have eaten so many veggie wraps that I might start hopping (or worse wearing Toms Natural deodorant). While in the summer, margaritas are delicious; the only food I am ever in the mood to eat at a Mexican restaurant is salad. I have now spent more than enough summer dawns hunched over a toilet. I think I would prefer my Baileys and coffee now.
10) I have not been to beach at all this summer, and I am feeling sad about that. I am a total Pool Whore in DC. I get around between the limited options for pooling. Sabrinas, APKs, the Marriotts. The pools in DC are miniscule. At the West Park, APK and Peter asked if I wanted to swim laps. I declined. A lap in that pool is pretty much just reaching your arms out.
So, yeah, I am sooooo over summer.