Friday, September 01, 2006

Regressed Adolescence Much?

Here's the story as it was told to me:

After leaving his kickball team's designated bar to make the last Metro, a drunken flip cupper (I mean kickballer. Excuse me?) falls asleep on the train. He wakes up on a dark train removed form the platform to its nighttime resting place on the tracks.

Freaking out and drunk, he uses begins walking through the different cars towards the front of the train. At the very last car, he spots the driver in lighting finishing up paperwork. The kickballer bangs on the door for the driver. He is able to convince the driver of the confusion and get a ride back to the platform.

Once at the platform, the kickballer pukes into a trash can and then realizes there are no trains headed back downtown. He goes to street level to find a taxi, but at 1am in the suburbs on a weeknight, there are no taxis on the street. He decides that walking home would be the best idea. He was about 10 miles from his home.

He walked for some time and began getting sick again. He chooses to sit on the curb, rest up, and then attempt to continue the walk home. As he was seated, a Policeman spots him and asks what he is doing. Belligerently, the kickballer exclaims that he is sitting. The Policeman kindly states that this is not such a great idea and asks where the poor, drunk, yuppie is going. The kickballer finally relays the location of his apartment, and the Policeman tells him to get in the car. He drives the boy home.

On the ride home, the kickballer is so drunk still that he pukes out the back seat window of the police car. The DC police must share stories daily about their encounters with these morons.

Doesn't playing kickball sound fun!


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