Dreams

I've been having these horridly vivid dreams lately about being attacked. It doesn't help that I've just turned 27 and in mid- "that time of the month". Dream analysis is strange... a bit like Free Will Astrology, because you can interpret the meaning to be whatever fits your current life.

The dreams started last Tuesday night. A faceless man went on my MySpace profile and saw where I worked. He followed me home where 3 other men appeared. They cut my hands off with scissors and tossed me onto the floor where they proceeded to start raping me. Peter and Ralph busted in the floor. Ralph stabbed one of the men and killed him. One of the other men grabbed the knife and turned it on Ralph who died. Then Peter found a gun and shot both the men. I woke up in chills and tears at 3am. I turned my computer on and set my MySpace & Friendster profiles to private, then laid in bed awake until 6am, finally going to Starbucks to get a cup of coffee.

Rape, when not a recurring theme and with a faceless attacker, signifies unresolved anger toward something or someone most likely of the opposite sex. I am being personally violated, thwarted, or ruthlessly exploited in waking life.

Loosing my hands means that I am feeling handicapped in some way either by not being able to do what I want to do or expressing myself in the way I would like.

The last couple of nights, I have been pushed out of a plane (fear of a loss of control), chased down the street by a man with a stocking over his face (Unresolved circumstances, situation, emotions plaguing you), and almost drowned in a pool (Losing ones emotional control. Situation is out of control.)

I've stopped walking places and taking the Metro at night.

I was telling my coworker about the dreams. She asked me if I ever save myself in my dreams. I don't. Either I wake up or I'm saved. BG shouted at the man who was chasing me, and he ran away. The Master threw me a life preserver in the pool and shot the man pushing me under. I'm told this isn't good. Not being able to save yourself in your subconscious is a sign that you don't see yourself as strong enough to survive alone.

When I broke up with Jerk, I have a confession. I couldn't watch the early episodes of Sex & the City. I was paranoid of ending up like these mid-30s women still partying without anyone to love like I did at 21 as an intern in NYC. I have trouble admitting it much of the time, but more than anything, I do want to fall in love and have children.

I fear that these dreams are signifying that I'm understanding how little control I have over the one thing I want most in life. It is depressing to admit. I guess the first step is admitting it to myself.