Monday, November 27, 2006

Back to Work

Bama time has come to an end. Do I want to be back in Mobile for good? Not really. I mean, I wish I could be 17 again (with the knowledge I have now), but I don't see myself living there full time anymore. Most of my friends live elsewhere anyways... in Birmingham, Tuscaloosa, Montgomery, Atlanta... so besides wishing I was closer to my parents, I think I'm content with growing up.

I did realize that I have grown up. I think at about 26, most of realize that we're no longer in St. Elmo's Fire (ie that period after college where you have no idea where you are going). I'm content in my career, own 300-thread count sheets, and cook dinner for myself from scratch. I'm almost grown up.

I look at my friends from home, some married with children and some just starting their careers, and I know that what once attracted me no longer does. In terms of guys, I want someone who's mature enough to have a relationship. I find men who date around and treat women with no respect appalling. I never did before recent times. I liked to convert the a-holes. I liked the being the girl who taught them to call for a date and clean the dishes after they ate. Now, I'm over all of that training. I want someone who wants me to want them.

I think a sign of age is recognizing that intimate relationships with friends, family, and significant others are what makes for a happy life. A guy who dates multiple girls in an attempt to pad himself from any form of deep connection is not someone I want in my life... even as a friend. And friends who pad their lives with going out buddies who they can't call when they're crying just don't have a place in my life either.

My father told me he's exhausted from meeting guys I've dated. My father's met one after another since I was 16, and he's sick of getting to know someone... shutting his mouth about their flaws... and then having to comfort me when it ends. I'm exhausted too. I'm exhausted from getting to know someone who I will spend a small fraction of my life talking to about everything and then having them disappear from my life forever.

I know what a good friend is like, and I've learned how to pick them. I've learned how to shut myself off to people who seem to care more about themselves then their friendships. I know how to honor my friends, how to be there for my friends, how to love my friends... I figured this out at about 21. I went through my cell phone and deleted the people I didn't like all that much.

Now, though, I think I'm coming to that point in picking the guys I let in. I'm done with guys who treat a women like a cuff link. As cliche as it sounds, you can't change a leopard's spots. I watch guys I've dated and preached to continue after our breakup hurting people for the mere sport of it, and I look at them with pity. What a sad way to live your life!


  • At November 27, 2006, Blogger LJ said…

    Amen! When do you get back? We'll have to make a toast to AL girls who've come a long way, and don't plan on going back to our old ways...

    Hope you had a good visit to the motherland! ;)


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