Facebook is a bad, bad thing.

I'm 27 going on 22. It's official.



Facebook membership for me has been a bad, bad reminder that my little brother isn't little anymore. Josh went to school with all of his friends from elementary school through high school. They're all, like, 23 and 24 now. Guess what? Many of them are pretty hot now. Guess what else? I knew them when they had no facial hair and were crushing on my best friends.



Classic story? Elise came over freshman year. Elise was/is hot. Here's a picture of us over Thanksgiving this past year.

We've pretty much looked the same since we were 12. Anyways, so, Elise and I were trying on outfits before a party. We were/ are really into fashion and makeup. I forget where we were going. So, Josh was in 6th grade at the time. He and his friend Michael were/are obsessed with Elise. She comes out in this teeny dress of mine. "I look fat," she declared. I don't think Elise could ever look fat. "It's my mirror. Let's go look in my mom's." My brother and Michael saw her come out in this micro-mini dress. Following us into my mom's room, they stood with their mouths wide open. "You look so fine," Michael said ("fine" was cool to say back then). "OMG!" she declared, and locked herself in my mom's closet until I screamed and chased Josh and Michael downstairs into the playroom. "Dumb ass. Get the hell out of here!"

Needless to say, I was a bitch to Josh's friends most of my life. It's amazing they all still talk to me.

Okay, but now, many of them are HOT.

Elise called me a year ago at 3am out in Birmingham. "Holy shit. I just started talking to the hottest guy at this bar. He was seriously hot. So, he's asking me about you and knows my name. I can't figure out how the hell we know him, but I don't want to ask and look dumb. We're talking for a while longer and then someone yells Scott across the bar at him. OMG! Sam, it was Scott. I can't believe it was Scott. He's super hot now. Is it wrong if I hook up with him? I mean, I went to Winter Formal with his older brother, and he was still in middle school at the time. How creepy am I?"

Incidentally, I was remember when Scott was born. I remember fighting with his older brother in pre-school classes. You don't develop memory until 3-years-old. That's creepy.

On Facebook, you put how you know someone. ALL of Josh's friends have put some variation on me hooking up with them. My favorite is his married friend David (who's seriously hot now)... "we hooked up and it was good but Samantha wouldn't stop calling me." His friend Falin wrote that we hooked up, and I changed it to read "and it was terrible. That's what I get for hooking up with someone who was 12." He emailed me saying he laughed. He's currently at a work conference in Houston. He's old enough to be at a work conference. I'm really really old.

Oh, and back senior year of high school, my friend's little brother Bubba was best friends with this kid who was really hot. He was my brother's age. At the pool one day, Bubba took pictures of us. I guess this kid had a picture of me in a bikini on his wall. He was mildly obsessed, apparently. Scott was the one who told me. So, I avoided the situation. Even though, honestly, I was flattered and thought the kid was hot. Well, he's a friend of mine now on Facebook, and is still ridiculously hot. Like unbelievably gorgeous. Damn, missed that boat I guess.

Okay, enough, I'm seriously 27 going on 22. This is just bad.