Wednesday, November 15, 2006

At What Point...

Do you decide that a friendship is unhealthy?

Male-to-female friendships, especially, tend to often combine two people who aren't compatible in a relationship so they decide to be friends instead. There are many guys who I have no sexual chemistry with at all, and thus, they make ideal friends. But, when there's sexual chemistry, sometimes there's also need for approval and affirmation that shouldn't exist in a friendship.

So, at what point do you throw in the towel and say, "Look, you're bringing me down. I'm bringing you down. We're in a relationship without sex, and it is just not working for me." I'd say once you really figure out you'd never ever date that person. Once the "maybe" mystery disappears for good, you're basically stuck being friends with someone who you'll fight with non-stop.

I'm not talking about being friends with Exs... that just rarely works. Though, I did just get advice from the last guy I dated in college, but we had a huge blowup and didn't talk for 6 months and now really don't want one another at all... but, anyways.

What I am thinking about is friends with people you do have sexual chemistry with but that you do not want to date or hook-up with. Can you be friends? Normal, unbiased, unjudgemental friends? Because, I'll tell you, perhaps I just have too intimate a relationship with my good friends... but I honestly just had to tell a friend that I can't talk to them anymore. We fight too much, and he makes me feel entirely too badly about myself. I'm sick of demeaning emails that make me angry and frustrated. I'm sure he's sick of me judging him for dating several girls at once while each one thinks they're getting him to the point of commitment. I'm his friend, not theirs. He's not leading anyone on, but he hasn't yet found what he wants and is unwilling to settle. And, even though I care very much about him and know he cares about me, I don't know that this relationship is good for either of us right now.

So at what point do you throw in the towel? Do you take a break for a while, like if you were in a relationship? Do you just not talk about specific things? That might be even weirder.

I said today "I think you and I aren't intended to be friends. It's been fun. Best of luck."

Is that what I'm supposed to do? And if so, why the Hell does it hurt?


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