Thursday, April 12, 2007

My A-list

Someone asked me the other day how I manage having a multitude of friends and not compartmentalize the diversity of relationships in my life. In case you hadn't figured out, I'm pretty much the queen of tossing the most random people together and just assuming they'll get along. Perhaps it's a tad bit of arrogance on my part- thinking that if I like someone everyone will like them- but, I just don't see the point in having a bunch of friends if you can't bring them all together whenever you want to see them.

During senior year of college, I held dinner parties for my close friends every Monday night. I was a sorority girl from Bama who'd lived on the Cape for summer, taken writing and art and business and literature classes, been a member of the Theatre guild, and managed to make friends with athletes in just about every sport the school offered. So, I'd bring the closest of my friends together once a week to chat and dine. My "sorority" friend Adriana ran into my "baseball" friend Jesse in Boston a couple years ago drunk and remarked, "Oh yeah, Jesse from Monday night dinner parties! How are you?"

The truth is, we all have an A-list, B-list, and C-list of friends. When Jer asks, "how come you've yet to add all of DC to my party's Evite list?" I'll ask how many people he wants there and then choose from the lists.

A-lists are those people you do things with one on one. In terms of numbers, I separate my lists by party invites. 10 people at my house for dinner... that's my A-list.

Like Ari came over last night to catch up, order in food, and watch America's Next Top Model (only one comment of the night. Dude, Kim looks so much better than she did when she was on the show! But, um, not like that. Sorry, I don't swing that way kids.) and the Search for the Next Pussycat Doll. (Incidentally, she wants a new name. Since she's got pretty light eyes that sparkle, I'm switching her name to Franky.)

B-lists are those people who might eventually move to your A-list, like friends of friends, but at the moment are more the type of people you'd invite to an event that had less than 50 people.

C-lists are basically just acquaintances. People you know enough to drink with or attend parties for, but they wouldn't be at a party you were planning unless you were inviting more than 50 people.

Anyone outside of that isn't a friend, they are just people you know.

As for drama, I notice my anxiety of impending drama only really exists when it's hitting close or within my A-list. That's when my stomach does knots and ability to sleep disappears. I'm a proponent for some form of drama keeping life interesting. Obviously, I'd prefer positive dramatic events like a friend going on a hot date, but the negative kind does keep life entertaining. I'm only good with the drama being external of my A-list though. A person my trust their A-list at all times.

I've also noticed that it's easy to bump B-lists to C-lists (say someone fails to show up at parties you invite them to for months) or C-lists to B-lists (someone always shows up). It's easy to bump a B-list to an A-list (you get to know them better, or they start dating one of your friends). But, by far the most difficult move is bumping an A-lister back to a B or C. That usually involves drama, trauma, or all around badness. As I've gotten older, it's become even more difficult.

So, there you go. That's some of my classic terminology for ya. May the force be with you.


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