Tuesday, May 01, 2007

I don't believe in all being fair in love and war.

And, nothing anyone could say could convince me otherwise. So, your Great Grandma was saved by someone when she was 12 and almost drowned. They fell in love until he was sent off to war at 18. While he was away, she met someone else, and they married. When her great love returned from war, it turned out he was cousins with the man she married. She had to ditch the guy and be with her great love, right?

No. I don't believe she did.

In my opinion, people who believe that all is fair in love and war will end up alone and miserable. It means you're willing to screw over people to get what you think you deserve. Perhaps the fact that she still loved this man was a sign that she shouldn't be married to him or his cousin. The end. Move on Granny!

Furthermore, I do believe believing in fate and friendship requires us to write certain romantic interests off. If you're meant to be, you will be. Not that people are off limits just because they dated someone you are friends with (though, clearly, some people are. If my best friend started dating Jerk, I'd burn down something for sure). You just have to make sure they're 100% okay with it. The end. But, friendship is a reason to write someone off in my opinion. That's what friendship is- support, integrity, compassion.

Okay, that's my piece for today. I has some help elaborating on this point last night. Felt like sharing.


  • At May 01, 2007, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said…

    Well this is confusing for several reasons.

    1) if the person was a jerk, then you're friend wouldn't want to be with them anyway;

    2) if the person was not a jerk, wouldn't you prefer that your friend ended up with the nice guy, than a total stranger?;

    3) would you ever really be "100% okay" with anyone you know dating your ex?

  • At May 01, 2007, Blogger GreenEggsSamDC said…

    I've always had the philosophy that while I can't be certain of either- a friend is more likely to stay with me for the rest of my life than any guy I date. Meaning, friendships should always be respected and protected.

    I call that guy Jerk. But, I lived with him. We were very serious. No, I would not be okay with a friend being with him. Ever. They could be with him, but they couldn't stay my friend. End of story. First off, they'd have met him through me when we were together. Secondly, they would have seen me go through what I went through about him. What sort of friend wants to be with a guy after everything?

    And, yes, depending on the ex, I could and have been 100% okay with a friend dating them. Just depends on the relationship and how they went about deciding they were into him (ie did they show me respect about it or not?

  • At May 01, 2007, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said…

    Not to get all analytical on you or anything, but I think it may be helpful to think about whether you are upset because you feel like she betrayed you, or if you are upset because you are still not over him. I think you think it's completely because your friend betrayed you, but I have a feeling that you wouldn't be so upset if it wasn't a little bit of both.

    If he were really just "the Jerk", then you would think your friend was an idiot (and feel sorry for her) for dating him, but you wouldn't be that upset about it.

    There's someone I thought I was over but was upset when I saw her out with somebody else (even though the guy was bald...I mean, how can she date a guy WITH NO FCUKING HAIR!!). I was more bothered by the fact that I wasn't compeletely over her than I was by the fact that she was dating someone else. Now when I see her out, it doesn't bother me in the least. In fact, I feel sorry for her. She's dating a bald guy, after all.

  • At May 01, 2007, Blogger GreenEggsSamDC said…

    Um, I'm very over him. But, I don't want him in my life. Ever. He was about as terrible to me as anyone's ever been. This is a non-issue as it was purely an example. He lives in NYC and doesn't hang with any of my friends in DC or NYC anymore.

    Sometimes things are much more complicated then could ever be written about on a blog. Let's just put it that way.

    But, yes, in some cases, it's not being over someone. In my case, with the last 2 ex boyfriends, they treated me very poorly in different ways and the ending was not good. No friend of mine would ever want to date someone who put someone they loved through that...

    I'm not really the typical girl. I don't pine. So, this is pretty sensible.


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