Thursday, April 19, 2007

Excuse me sir, may I have another?

99 bottles of alcohol in my shopping cart (I've never shopped with a cart at a liquor store before!). 99 bottles of alcohol (Much like the bags of generic cereal in the supermarket, the cheaper alcohol bottles are way on the bottom shelf. I gave the liquor store employees quite a showing of my ass). Take one down, pass it around...

So, I went to Virginia to buy the alcohol for A Night of Mystique last night. Lots and lots of liquor. Like, I had a shopping list-style liquor shopping.

A dirty old man winked at me. I would have winked at me too.

ABC Employee: "Do you need any help?"
Me: "Um, where would Everclear be located?"
ABC Employee: "What?"
Me: "High alcohol volume vodka."
ABC Emploee: "We don't sell that."
Me: "Okay, well any other brand of high volume alcohol."
ABC Employee: "Let me check. Javy, Javy [yelling to storage area]... Everclear?"
Javy: "No, that's illegal in Virginia."
Me: "Oh, okay. What else is higher volume for Jello shots?"
Javy [smirking]: "Jello shots?"
Me [clammy palms and blushing]: "Um, yeah. For a party I'm hosting. I'm 27. I haven't made a Jello shot in a long while. I don't really like them. I didn't know Everclear was illegal in Virginia. That's really how little I know about them. Because, well, I don't drink them often. I'm just hosting a party. I'm 27. Wait, did I say that?"

--- yes, I'm a tool ----

Javy: "Well, the highest volume alcohol we sell is 100 proof. Will that work?"
Me: "That's just great, thanks."
Javy: "How many bottles? Let me get some from the back."
Me [wondering if this is coming from a bathtub somewhere or if I'm supporting Al-Qaeda]: "Um, two please."
ABC Employee: "Will that be all? Just these 11 bottles and the 2 bottles Javy's getting?"
Me: "Yes."
ABC Employee: "Can I see your ID?"
Me: "Yes. Here."
ABC Employee: "Your hair is not the same in this picture."
Me: "Yeah. It's curly."
ABC Employee: "Oh. It's not now."
Me: "Right. I straightened it today."
ABC Employee: "Oh. Why?"
Me: "I felt like it."

Yep. So that, in a nutshell, was my evening. Enough said. Let's drink.


  • At April 19, 2007, Blogger Cara said…

    everclear is legal in maryland! I actually have some of the sacred liquid at home...if you get desperate. I am 26, it's okay, high proof alcohol keeps you young.

  • At April 19, 2007, Blogger GreenEggsSamDC said…

    Thanks Cara! My favorite part of the Wikipedia description of it:

    "Due to Everclear's lack of sugar and impurities (congeners), it may make drinkers less vulnerable to hangovers. However, the lack of a strong flavor tends to promote overconsumption. Everclear is usually mixed into an alcoholic beverage, and is highly flammable."

    I bet it does keep you young=)

  • At April 19, 2007, Blogger I-66 said…

    Note to Sam: When conducting business of this nature in Virginia, it is wise to consult any Virginians you might know.

  • At April 19, 2007, Blogger LJ said…

    Interesting... so it's highly flammable? Hmmmmmm.

    I love the conversation with the worker. Nice of him to notice your hair. Must have been a perceptive liquor store worker there...

    So liquor AND Wal-Mart? We're not turning this into another white trash party now, are we?


Post a Comment

<< Home