Wednesday, May 17, 2006

If I Fall You're Going Down With Me

Relationships, both romantic and platonic, are all about the struggle for neutral balance. Interacting with people on a truly personal level is about compromising your state of mind to complement theirs.

My definition for a selfish person is someone who won't work to find an equilibrium of moods. Someone who's too set in their own state of mind to care about how it is effecting mine.

What does that mean?

Being a good friend is listening to a crying a friend even when you've just fallen in love or being happy for a newly engaged couple even after you and a boyfriend have broken up. This doesn't mean that you have to be at the same point of depression or happiness... but you have to bring yourself to a level of compassion and caring. It's what separates good friends from bad ones.

I've had many down friendships over the years. I was always taught to be there for my friends in times of need. But no matter how high I was, they were so low they'd only pull me down.

My ex-friend M from my first two years in college was always upset about something. When her boyfriend ditched her for someone else, she was upset about that. When a guy from the track team slept with her and never talked to her again, she was upset about that. When a friend stretched out her shirt, she was upset about that. She called me selfish for trying to cheer her up, and then, when that was impossible, for avoiding her completely. I look back now and realize that she was the one who was selfish in our relationship. Plenty good was going on in my life, and, rather than be happy for me, she tried to make me go down with her.

My cousin got engaged yesterday. On a Greek Island. To a Rocket Scientist. Yeah, it totally makes me reexamine my romantic relationships and wonder if I'll ever find true love, but yes, I am really happy for her. What does her happiness have to do with my search for Mr. Right? And, what good would my being depressed about the situation be? I'm sure she's hoping I find Mr. Right too. I'm sure she'd be upset for me if some guy trampled all over me. Perhaps that's why she was able to find someone to love her.

Living you life constantly looking for others to join you in your emotions will make you a very unhappy and selfish person. It is much better to find someone who balances you.

If I fall, my friends and boyfriends are NOT going down with me.


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