Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Some more thoughts-

I want boys to want me.
I want girls to want to be my friend.

There's much that goes into achieving both. You could easily end up like Dick Hunter if you concentrate on one more than the other.

I established a set of rules for myself around 22. I don't kiss until the third date. I don't have sex until about 3 months have passed. Not that I've always adhered to it... but that's my set rule.

My theory was that I was stable enough when I am single. If someone wants to get to know me sexually, they have to get to know me as a person first.

It's much easier when I'm out with my girlfriends and I see a guy who never called me who I only let feel me up, over my bra. There's certainly less hate when I don't feel used.

I've found that the girls I get along best with don't like hanging out with girls who give it up too early. They fear that whatever guy they meet will not look at them seriously because their friend is a slut. Not that I don't have some slutty friends... but they've usually become slutty only after I got close to them. You can't turn your back on a slutty friend. She needs your help to renew her self-esteem. Slutty friends, in my circle, are a cause. We try to raise awareness that this is not what our friend is all about. "She's so smart." or "I wish I had her abs."

But I digress.

I've also found that with my rules, most guys don't like waiting. They have an ego to maintain. They think that you aren't that into them. But a man must work for his wealth. As my great Grandmother told my mom once upon a time, "A girl is like a paper towel. A man likes to wipe his hands on her and then toss her away."

So they wait. And then what? Well you gotta be damn good in bed. But you don't want to be too good or the guy might think you were a porn star in a past life. Don't keep butt toys hidden under your bed or anything. Be good at the basics.

I'm a huge fan of lingerie. I think of it as an entire secret wardrobe. I like nighties and teddies and those kimono-sleeved satin robes. This is entirely too much TMI for some of you. Apologies.

APK maintains that lingerie is somewhat worthless considering that it just ends up on the floor anyways... but I think honestly he's happy to see me feel sexy.

And, it's not cool to discuss with most friends how much you like sex. You can discuss if you did something new that you can't believe you liked. You can discuss if there's a weird thing about your man's bedroom behavior. You can even get recommendations on good condoms and birth control. But talking about your love for sex on regular basis is a great way to alienate your friends. Even if Sex and the City says so. Actually, considering how dysfunctional those girls were, don't base your friendships on them.

Basically, it comes down to not chicks before... rather keep the ladies and gents in separate places to live a life of many faces.


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