Thursday, August 03, 2006

APK's officially moved to his new place. It's a studio in west Dupont. It's a nice building filled with lots of Mezuzahs on the door. There's a pool on the rooftop, except you can't go Saturday because all the religious Jews can't leave the house during Shabbat so they hang there. Not everyone (I know some people who live there that are glamorous and all) but certainly many of them look like they belong working at a very religious Jewish summer camp where all the activities and cabins are named using Hebrew words.

APK'll fit in great.

He likes to use Hebrew words around me. At the beginning, he kept waking me up and saying goodnight in Hebrew. Finally, one morning, I asked: "Are you trying to teach me Hebrew subtly?" And he responded: "Yes, is it working." It was. I know how to say goodnight and good morning in Hebrew now. That certainly tops the other 3 things I know- "Where's the bathroom?" "I want ice cream." and "I want my mother and father." I'm proud to say I know how to say "Where's the bathroom?" in Hebrew, French, Spanish, and Italian.

I'm a nutcase about bathrooms. I have a tiny bladder. My mother claims I've probably seen the bathroom in every resting area in America. It's a blast to go on road trips with me.

But when you see alot of public bathrooms, and you've already got weird eating issues:

Yesterday, at Luna on CT, I sent back my lunch special- a BBQ pulled chicken sandwich. I put it in my mouth and felt a bone. I spit out the bone, and then became sick. I can eat meat, but I was a vegetarian for long enough that I can't eat meat that looks like an animal. No chicken wings. No ribs. No lobster in the shell. No t-bone steaks. So, I immediately got ill. Really ill. I politely called the waiter over and showed him the bone and explained my issues with bones. He was strangely supportive. Did I want another chicken sandwich? Nope. I ordered a veggie sandwich. The thought of meat is making me sick. I ordered veggies for lunch too. I think I'm officially over the edge now and back to my veggie self. Blah. I had a bone in my mouth.

A woman ordered a fish next to me at Titannic about 2 months ago. APK and I were eating together. The fish came whole. It's little dead face and bulging eyes were staring at me. I couldn't even take a bite of my pad thai.

But anyways.

I can't go to the restroom in a restaurant before I eat. If I do, I'll know if it's dirty. I'll know if it doesn't have hand soap or paper towels. I'll know if there's scum on the door handle or faucet. If it's dirty, I'll think that my waitress might have used it and then touched my food. And then I can't eat. That's why I can't eat at Lucky Bar or Saint-Ex or the Big Hunt. I mean, the bathroom door once fell off in my hand at the Big Hunt. How on earth could I put a chicken finger into my mouth? I figure with drinks, the bartender usually has his own sink behind the bar to wash off in. I guess that makes me feel better. Though, I've not been to the Mad Hatter since Sabrina, Jamo and I saw a cock roach on the table.

Yuck. I'm feeling ill and vegetarian just thinking about it.

I heard a ghost story with Jerk's nieces and nephews about a kitchen that was feeding people rats instead of chicken. I couldn't eat in NY's Chinatown for months. Okay, even now. Think about how easy it would be to substitute the two in any one of those shady little restaurants. The health department certainly can't monitor all of those places. You think they care what's going on in Chinatown? They'll stick to the Upper West Side, and I'll stick to the Upper West Side.

I'm going to vomit.

I went to the bathroom at Five Guys in Alexandria on Tuesday night after we'd eating. APK went first to wash his hands. Guys never complain. A good bathroom to them has a mirror. I didn't trust his answer so I held off. Guess what? The bathroom was pretty clean. The one at Ooohs and Ahhhs last night (Jamo and I went) was clean. Both were much much cleaner than Luna at lunch yesterday. Luna didn't have paper towels. Luna had about an ounce of soap left in the dispenser. How come a fast food restaurant has the money to hire someone to clean their potty but Luna doesn't? My bone-in chicken sandwich was $8.95. My burger at Five Guys was $3.

So that's my take. Tonight's an indoor Jazz on Jackson Place with a swing band. I'm excited. Hopefully Peter or Ralph will dance with me. APK's leaving his job in a week. So far he's had 2 happy hours and a lunch. There's another happy hour tonight and then another lunch. Economists have manners, apparently.


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