Thursday, August 17, 2006


Let’s talk about proper manners in dating.

I understand the thrill of the chase, ladies and dudes, but just so we are clear, it is not acceptable to do any of the following things. It’s just not polite. I hate that we’ve become a society of declared assholes and bitches when, the truth is, the following are just improper manners. They don't make you more wanted or more cool. They make you rude. Remember Scouts 101: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

-Don’t give your number to someone you don’t want to call you.
-If you do give your number to someone, answer or return the call. If you don’t want to go out on a date with them, at least have respect enough to say so.
-Don’t ask for an Email address. Have the courage to actually call.
-Know that the person calling has put themselves on the line to call you. Treat them with patience if they get nervous.
-Don’t plan something and cancel last minute unless you really need to cancel. --
-Don’t hang all over someone in front of their Ex.
-The person who asks for the date should expect to pay on the first date.
- Don’t expect to kiss on the first date.
- Men, do walk the lady home even if you don’t want to see her again. Do you want her getting mugged on your clock?
- Do follow-up with a call within 3 days if you want to see them again.
- If you made a mistake and ditched someone you shouldn’t have ditched, it is not fair to announce to them that you can’t stand to see them with someone else. You have no right to do so, and it’s just tacky. Either date them or don’t.
- If you don’t see long term future with the person you are dating, don’t talk about your long term future around them. Why instigate?

Lately, my single friends have experienced people whose manners are so pathetic they aren’t suitable for life in general, much less dating.

One attractive guy friend went to a party. He hung out with a girl who he’d met several times through shared friends. After dancing all night, she offered her phone number to him. Knowing he couldn’t do anything for 10 days in the future (busy socialite), he respected her enough to call anyways in less than 3 days and ask her in advance for the following weekend. She didn’t call back. He was worried about the message. Honestly, if she liked him, that wouldn’t really matter. But, even if she didn’t like him, she should have had enough class to call him back. It’s just rude. Now, he’ll see her out and, if she ever likes one of his friends, he'll say she’s got poor manners.

The Master met a guy who was in the same fraternity as APK at college. She met him through other mutual friends. I know him. I've always thought highly of him. Cute. Smart. Nice. They hit it off magically. They spent the first night they chatted looking deeply in one another’s eyes. He saw her 2 or 3 times afterwards. Each time was excellent. She didn’t call him. She didn’t email him. He pursued her. He made the dates. And then, he started to make them and cancel them last minute. No excuses. Two times. Three times. She forwarded me an email with only “WTF?” written. The only proper way to cancel a date is to explain in detail why you are canceling and then suggest another time and day to meet. Don’t expect that any person with any bit of manners will go out with you again otherwise. AND if you cancel one date, you need to redeem yourself the next time.

There’s also something to say about giving and taking. It is expected that if someone consistently invites you to do things, you should invite them to do things too. It is unacceptable to expect someone to continue to include you if you don’t include them. My mom taught me this in grade school If I was invited to someone’s birthday party even if I hated that person, I had to invite them to mine. My mom also wouldn’t let me do anything fun until I finished writing thank you notes. It is impolite to leave people out who include you. No one is that important. Eventually, you will be forgotten.

People always say I’m so generous. I’m not really. I just treat the people I care about as I would want them to treat me. And, I have manners. I grew up saying “Yes Ma’am” and No Sir.” Manners are important in dating, because they will follow you throughout the relationship. No one is taking you out for a fancy birthday dinner if you didn’t even offer to bring anything to their house when they hosted you for dinner. No one will ever call to check on how your doctor’s appointment went that day if you didn’t return their call until 5 days later. Manners = Karma.


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