Thursday, December 07, 2006

Quirks Take 2

At happy hour Wednesday night, Vive was approached by a chick she'd never met in the bathroom for advice. The chick was with her friends-with-benefits who had a girlfriend. She wanted to have sex with this man, and didn't know how to go about getting him to appease her. On return to the table, Southern Beau suggested she give the opposite of good advice, ie "you should crawl under the table and give him head." I screamed, "damnit! It's girls like this that make guys this all chicks are psycho sluts. Want a bet she'll be calling his girlfriend in no time saying she's pregnant with his kid or gave him herpes?" So, I suppose my guy friends must have some noteable stories about girls with quirks.

She said, thus he must say. I tossed out the question to my male friends.

From: Sam
To: The Boys
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Subject: Quirks: A men's perspective needed

Hello to all the men in my world!

So, I polled most of my girlfriends to find out crazy quirks that they'd either experienced or heard men have exhibited. I was looking for everything from "Only watches football with the lights off" to "Must put coco butter on themselves prior to the act." Here are the results as a reference

However, I've been accosted "re: girls have WAY more quirks than guys." In order to make this fair, I thought I'd get some stories from ya'll for tomorrow's post. As I said to the ladies, the reason I need you help is because, dearness, you just can't make this stuff up... people are stranger than anyone could ever imagine.

Thanks for the help!


Geez. And I thought I was quirky! I'm not even going to split them up this time. Enjoy. I'll start tame and move on down.

I know a girl who must apply moisturizer to her feet every night before bed, because she does not like the feeling of dry skin against sheets.

One particular girlfriend of a guy I went to college with had this thing where before she went to bed she would take a cotton ball and hold it between her middle finger and her forefinger. Then she would put her thumb in her mouth. As she was sucking her thumb, she would rub the cotton on her nose. Picture this girl sucking on her thumb as she is rubbing the cotton ball on her nose with her middle finger. She did this EVERY night before bed and claimed she could not sleep without it. He comments, "yeah it was weird, but she was alright looking."

Another girl would turn the knob to her dorm room exactly 95 times to make sure it was locked before she would actually shut it.

Uh, I'm told there is a lady who keeps each piece of her clothing separated with tissue paper while folded in her drawer. Each tissue has the price tag and additional buttons pinned to it... although this may be more OCD than quirky.

Dandruff is not an issue for a lady who showers at least 3 times a day, and then reapplies makeup and blow dries her hair. She's a self-diagnosed germaphope. I've heard of compulsive hand washing... but body and hair washing?

Chocolate ice cream is a fabulous way for any girl to feel better, but what if you had to have a scoop of chocolate ice cream at least once a day? A guy friend of mine was forced to go out in a blizzard to retrieve a pint of Haagen-Dazs for his feining woman.

This is an actual diagnosed disorder, but most guys don't know that, and a girl pulling her eyebrow hairs out one at a time can seem a bit freakish. I just hope they don't date any cutters!

One lady referred to going to the bathroom as "making a sissy"... which, my friend states, may not be a quirk but is absolutely disgusting and strange.

Apparently, ladies have issues with saying they need to use the bathroom. I'm told one girl would ask her man after meals, "do you need to take a doo doo?"

A lady broke up with her fellow, because he wasn't okay with using her toothbrush. She was convinced that showed a lack of intimacy.

Gay male porn is a turn-on to lots of straight ladies, but men don't find is as exciting to watch while in the act with their female partner.

One girl would come over to her man's place with an animal rage in her eyes. She would passionately kiss him, and rip off her clothes... tearing off his shirt (quite an expensive habit) and throwing his pants in the corner. But, she would leave his boxers on while she was completely nude. At that point, she would stop and completely change her personality into a sweet and innocent girl persona who wanted to only cuddle without any further interaction... no kisses, no nothing, slapping his hand or pushing his face away if he tried anything to break the "moment"

A few years ago, another girl that a guy had been on a date or two with made an interesting comment during their first hookup. After a few moments, she paused in the middle, with a tear in her eye, and said - "I have to remember this moment, I want to be able to tell our grandchildren about our first kiss..."

A guyfriend of mine was set up on a blind date last year, after a few glasses of wine, the girl he was out with started to loosen up. She then began an interesting monologue about her past dating life, and how no guy seems to like her. She ended the conversation the statement, "I'm going to turn 24 next week, and I always thought that I would be married and have kids by now. What is wrong with me..."

A friend's buddy slept with a girl, who said "yes, yes, you're fucking me like a pirate" while they were doing it. Neither my friend or his friend have any clue what that meant and have spent many an evening trying to decode the history on that comment.

And finally, not to leave my own quirks out as seen through the eyes of one of my pals from college, I received these quirks amongst a massive list from one of my guy friends. Here's what he said:

I knew a girl in college (and still know her today) who was (1) obsessed with the Kennedy's, (2) fixated with dating IVY-graduate, WASPY guys who could make a good puppet Senator for her own politcal push, (3) "so in love with her job that [she] hate[s] it"

NOTE: re #2: I had a thing for students in Poli Sci in college. And, re: #3: that's about my job at the magazine. I think I've known this friend a little too long!


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