Why I'm Skipping My 10-year High School Reunion

The only reason to go to a high school reunion in Bama is to see who got fat when you didn't... and now Ruben Studdard wants to take that away from me! Damn, the worst part is, it will probably freakin' work. Since most Bama folk don't have health care, they probably have no idea that being overweight can lead to premature death... however, I guarantee you they all called in for Bo, Taylor, and Ruben every single week. I'm totally skipping my reunion now. I got nothin'!