Thursday, January 04, 2007

Hollowing Yourself Out

I don't mean this in a depressing way, but do you think growing up and maturing as a human being is really about clearing out the noise in your life slowly? Hollowing yourself out, I suppose.

Excepting what you have slowly...

Like, when you're little and you dream of being an artist... until you have your first critique in AP Art during high school... and so, you decide to find an artsy career instead. Or, when you can't wait to join a sorority in college like Kelly and Donna's Alpha Omega until you realize friendship is different that sisterhood when a crazy girl joins with you and declares you can't do something because you're sisters.

I just wonder, I guess, if the dreamer in you slowly dies, and, instead, you begin to recognize the things that really matter. Like a belated birthday card I got from a friend:

Thank you so much for all you do. You not only add so much fun and value to my life, but to so many others, so on your birthday know just how appreciated you are! I am not sure what I did in DC before you, but more importantly, I can't imagine what I'd do without you and frankly I don't want to. Anyhow, age is just a number- granted we all stress over it too much, but move on! Realize how lucky you are, because you/WE truly are, and I am proud and grateful to be able to call you my friend!

Becoming more hollow might be a good thing. I no longer feel the need to befriend people I don't find value in... and I don't give of myself to people who don't give to me. I no longer need to be friends with the person who has the most connections or the best fashion taste (of course my friends have GREAT fashion taste, I'm just saying) . And, having achieved my dream of a brownstone in NYC, attractive boyfriend, and perfect job at a fashion magazine, I can honestly say that I don't need the noise anymore. I don't WANT the noise anymore. I want to live my life simple... enjoy the people who enjoy me... let people into my life who want to be there for a while... hollow myself out.

One day, I want to wake up knowing that life just is what it is... and enjoy every moment I have with my thoughts...

I guess at that moment, I'll know I'm mature.


  • At January 04, 2007, Blogger I-66 said…

    Of all the places I thought I'd see a 90210 reference, this post was not one of them - haha.

    I think we all come around at some point from being blind optimists to being realists. I can't pinpoint when it started happening for me, but the evolution is already underway.


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