Polla Caliente!

I'm currently using the free Internet provided by the Fort Lauderdale airport. I decided to save Ali's mom a trip and just come early with the girls who needed to catch 10am/ 11am flights back from our bachelorette weekend down here. Thank goodness for this service considering the airport is remarkably low on airport shops and restaurants.

So, where to begin on this weekend. I'm very tan, exhausted, and cell phone-less.

I arrived Thursday evening. Ali's flight was delayed out of NYC, so my extreme planning to get in the same time as her fell through and her mom had to make additional trips to and from the airport anyways.

Ali's mom gave us her gorgeous, newly redone, two bedroom/ two bath condo right on the ocean for the weekend (she has homes in Mystic, CT and Holyoke, MA too). Ali's sister lives just down the street in an adorable Spanish-style vista with her son and husband, so her mom was able to stay there for the weekend.

Friday, Ali's other bridesmaid Lisette and I bonded while sitting by the pool before the other girls arrived in the evening. We were all exhausted from long work weeks so we ended up just hitting Winn Dixie for some wine, I cooked us all tacos, and we watched Bridget Jones Diary and caught up.

More laying out all Saturday morning, of course, in preparation for the evening's bachelorette party festivities.

Let's put it this way: Ali's the first of our crazy college "girl group" to have a bachelorette party. AND it is sad for all of us that Ali's no longer single and wild.

Ali's mom and sister came over around 5pm with several bottles of Veuve Cliquot, penis-shaped pasta to cook, penis-covered paper plates, and, of course, a penis-shaped Boston Creme pie. We headed by party bus to the Hard Rock Casino for a drag queen/ half-naked male dancer show at Passions nightclub. The night ended with me losing my cell phone and Lisette passing out at Hooters while the rest of us consumed cheese fries and chicken fingers. From here, I'll just show pictures. You'll get the idea.

So, Krista (Ali's sister) has this adorable blond son named William who loves the ladies. After his bath a while ago, Krista popped on an old Rod Stewart tape. William and she danced around to Hot Legs. He liked the song so much that they started dancing to it after every bath. She plays Baby Einstein videos for him in the morning while she preps his breakfast. One day, she saw a Rod Stewart Live DVD and purchased that for him. He loved it! The only problem, he can't pronounce legs, so he instead requests "Hot Cock!" when he wants to watch the video. We have no idea where he got that from, but, it had to be the theme for the weekend most definitely. Thus, the penis-shaped cake had "Hot Cock" written on it. And, since Ali's a fluent Spanish speaker known for her past attractions to Diego's and Rodriguo's and Fabio's, we wrote "Polla Caliente! de Matthew (her fiance)" on the smaller other cake.

Here we are in Krista's courtyard all decked out and only 3 bottles into the champagne (2 more would follow before we even made it to the bar).

Ali wanted the tequila shot. I never ever do those things. The bartender was super hot and from Wisconsin. I was so drunk I kept asking him over and over again if he really liked cheddar. I remembered this all the next day, obviously.

The drag queen host would yell "Sex," and we'd all have to yell back "Oh Baby!" Clearly there were many bachelorette parties there too. We made a bunch of the brides-to-be pose together at one point for pictures. Lisette and Erica got competitive and announced, "Our bride is soooo much hotter than their's. We win hands-down." Then they realized one of the other bride's friends was next to them. Oops.

Ali swears she's never been on a pole before. We think she's bluffing. A shirt in the souvenir shop last night had a girl on a stripper pole and read "I support single moms." Hot.

The funniest part about the half-naked male dancers was that they were even remotely trying to pass off as straight. Pretty to look at, but, yeah, so fruity they'd fill up a Vegan for a week.

I lost my cell phone shortly afterwards. Blah.

Last night, exhausted, we hit Beach Place for restaurant on the water. Our live entertainment was from Alex Fox. I texted Brando on my cheap substitute phone until my insurance replacement comes in the mail: "Damn, I wish I had a camera phone. Musician at dinner looks like Michael Bolton, is playing the guitar like he's Aerosmith (tossing it in the air and such) to songs that sound like Kenny G." We got the waiter to have him come take a photo with our group. Then we went straight to bed.

I now know how to say three things in Spanish- Where's the bathroom?, I don't speak Spanish., and Hot Cock. Wanna come with me on a trip to Madrid soon?