Thursday, May 17, 2007

Piece of Clay

Everybody wants somebody to be their own piece of clay. True everybody wants somebody to mold them, shape them own way.

I was not myself when I was with Jerk. I didn't go out every night and enjoy meeting people. I didn't dress funky or spunky or trendy or fun. I cooked dinner about 5 nights a week. I treated myself to fancy cheese not fancy shoes. I didn't go to a single concert.

After we broke up, I said to my mom, "I think Jerk was in love with the idea of what I could be, not me."

My question- Is Marvin Gaye right? Does everyone want someone to be their own piece of clay?

I redressed Jerk. At 26, when I met him, he still wore those Old Navy shirts with the Charlie Brown stripes down the center and light wash GAP tapered jeans. I slowly started to buy him shirts I liked. I settled on a bunch of Polos, mainly, because they were an easy transition being cotton and all. Then, around 6 months, I purchased him his first pair of designer denim. He got cashmere as gifts from me too. And, an outlet trip convinced him to trade in his parka for a pea coat.

When we broke up, I announced to my friend Tait, "Crap! Now I have to redress a whole new guy!" Tait, "Or, ya know, find a guy who can already dress himself."

Yeah, she's right. I'm far too exhausted at this point in my life to want to, as Adelaide sang in Guys and Dolls, "Marry the man today and change his ways tomorrow."

Is it too picky to write someone off because, although you know you like them, you'd want to change them? And, along that line, what flaws are too big to be overlooked?

I always say: "There's always another guy and another party. Never feel the need to compromise yourself." Am I wrong? Clearly, I think I'm right. It is my opinion after all.

But, what is a deal breaker? If you don't like tuna salad, and the guy you date is on a diet that has him eating it twice a day, do you end it? Do you assume it's an omen of much differences?

I'm honestly asking here. I don't know. Should everyone want someone to be their own piece of clay?


  • At May 17, 2007, Blogger I-66 said…

    I'd rather fall into things with someone I like for what they are already, not what they might become. I've been in the position of making serious changes in someone I dated once before (not as far as style, but I'm talking self esteem and such) and it just did not work out in the end.

    Give me someone who wows me now, not who might in the future.

  • At May 17, 2007, Blogger Joanne said…

    You wouldn't want a guy you could so easily mold, I think. Tuna and clothing should not be a deal-breaker...Things like values and family values and integrity: those things are not easily changed and should match your ideals in some way...

  • At May 18, 2007, Blogger Sam said…

    These are great questions.

    I think the most successful, long-term couples ultimately begin to emulate each other over time. It's natural. However, in my experience dating someone who you find yourself wanting to change never works. You can only fool yourself for so long.

    People take a long time to develop their personal value sets and beliefs so it seems very rational that couples who are already quite similar tend to work best.

    For example, girls who smoke...I have learned they don't work for me no matter how much chemistry is there

  • At May 18, 2007, Blogger LJ said…

    I don't think you're a Grey's Anatomy watcher, are you? If not, I'd say watch last night's episode. It touched a lot on this... very good.

  • At May 18, 2007, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said…

    Women like to dress their guys in the girls own style because, I think, at heart, they see us as a giant accessory. That's why they always say to each other stuff like "oh they make such a cute couple".

    I have a friend who refuses to take clothing advice from the girls he dates no matter what. Actual conversation:

    Friend: fcuk that shit. [girl 1] told me made me buy a lot of stuff from abercrombie, then [girl 2] said I looked like a frat bag and threw out everything and made me buy euro clothes, then we broke up and [girl 3] said I looked bad and made me buy all new clothes again. No girl likes what I wear because some other girl picked it out.

    Me: Or...maybe everything looks bad on you because you're a tool.


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