Oh oh oh oh oh. You just have to go and makeout with someone.

I do not like 18th & Red one bit. There bugs crawling on the floor. It was about 700 degrees inside. We had to beg them to turn down the air, and, in the end, a girl from Brando's team had to do it herself. The music wasn't great. There was only space for 1 flip cup table. 1 of the women's bathroom stalls was out of order (so there was only 1 working). There was no soap and a broken sink in the women's stall. The bartenders were slow.

If the alcohol wasn't free from 7pm-12am, I would have left immediately.

District Belle attended and now there's the possibility that she'll play next year too! The Mack made me watch the stall door in the men's room, because the line for the one stall in the women's was wrapped around the block. A couple guys came into pee, and I was holding my camera around my wrist. They asked me not to take a picture of their penises.

Um gross! WTF? Do guys really think we want to see their penises urinating? I think I might barf.

I left, drunk, around 12am. Yawn.

In other news, Franky sent the following humerous email today:

On the trip back from Dewey I explained to Sam that making out in a bar is actually a really easy thing to accomplish. In just a few steps it can be done and after a few times and a few conquests you can be the master of your make out domain.

I present you with the steps below. I am really just making them up on the spot**. Feel free to edit/comment!

1. Look hot. This is more than just wearing something boobilicious or that shows off you ass. I have done both and gone home sans make out. It's also much more than the right bar lighting and mixture of booze, hunger and dehydration. It's about knowing that you are fine and workin it! You have to have your head in the game!
2. Ok so you look hot, have pre-gamed at your girls place before and now need to do a lap. Make sure you are comfortable in your shoes for the night because you may have to walk a lot to find any potential. This requires endurance and speed. You will have to block cigarettes if you are in NoVA, push obnoxious girls who stand in your way and don't roll with your crew in DC, and not trip on the already sticky/gummy/wet floor.
3. On the lap make eye contact and zero in on the target at hand.
4. This is the important part. Have a buddy system. Is he attractive? Is he a smoker? Does he seem single? Ask your girlfriend for advice before going in for the kill.
5. If he is wearing something conversational like high tops, a tee shirt that says, "Single Let's Mingle", or crocs you have your opening line. "Nice shoes/shirt wanna...make out?
6. Too fast, let me slow it down. You should smile and start to talk to the guy about either the song that's on, "This is my jam" or try to bust a move. My dancing skills are sub par at best so I prefer cover band dancing scenarios. The jumping is a natural aphrodisiac, I swear.
7. Ok so conversation is going. Ask him if he'd like to a)do a body shot b)do a shot or c)and this is the "tame" one if he wants to get a drink.
8. Make sure to get his name. Not that this matters but it could assist in the nickname process later.
9. Get closer to him as he is talking about whatever it is. Doesn't matter what he is saying really, unless it's something along the lines of pwning someone. Then the information could be crucial.
10. Finally as you've come in 90%(Thanks HITCH!) he should move in for the 10%.

MAKEOUT CITY POPULATION YOU!! CONGRATS!! CONGRATS!!

**OK what am I talking about? I am sooo not an expert. It's all about timing and attitude. Go in for the kill and make sure your surroundings do not have people you have made out with in the past too nearby for this may be a conflict of interest.

Hope these rules help!
Love you guys!!

Franky

Planning for tonight-

From Kid Kickball (I love that name for the president of our league's board. It came from the brown team.)

Congratulations to the 2007 Adams Morgan Division Champions: Playground Punks. They are also the first two time winner in AdMo Division history (see 2005).

Be there at the End of Season party on Tuesday June 26, 2007 at 18th and Red in Adams Morgan to see them receive the new AdMo Division trophy!

And don't forget that the party is FREE for division players. With FREE drinks. Maybe some food. We have a DJ too. 7PM - Midnight.

Its your last chance for that drunken hookup!

Email chain from the girls on my team regarding the above. I'm using Player 1, Player 2, etc., because I don't want to get anyone in trouble:

Player 1: haha... BEST LINE: last chance for drunken hookup....!!! cant wait. plus no one will be in kickball shirts, so we wont have to worry what shade of green someone is on [the girls on our team have exclusively hooked up with only people on the green teams, of course there are about 5 varieties of green, so that's a nice amount of people to choose from] ! i call dibs on drew, the catcher from orange team! haha!!

Player 2: Hahah... I know I saw that. Check check... already done. Which one is Drew...from ugly orange or bright orange. Was he one of the guys from the night Fiery One sucker punched orange team guy with glasses?

Player 1: no... bright orange. not ugly orange. i pointed him out to two of the other girls... kinda cute. bigger guy- looks like he could break you. he asked my name last tuesday after hours.

Player 3: He is cute... go for it! Tomorrow will be fun.... great way to end the season :-).

Player 4: So, is everyone looking all cute? I don't know what to wear.

Me: I am wearing my boobylicious Deweylicious dress (see pics on Facebook). Bright orange and blue make brown. Oh well=) So, you think we can pretend District Belle is someone from the team? Like that random weird girl who never shows???

Player 1: ha... yea, District Belle could blend in as a player on our team.. considering we will be the ONLY girls from our team.

i'm wearing a black dress, similar to my black shirt that ties in back, but a dress version. boobs will most likely be popping out.

i have a work event, ill be there at like 7:30-8. .. ready to booze it up, kickball style!

Me: Cool. I nominate District Belle to play random weird girl who never shows up. Sound good?

District Belle: Sounds like fun though... never been to this bar?!?

Text message from Player 1 last night: tried on dress for tomorrow. too slutty i think. need your opinion. i'm definitely coming over after work for outfit advice.

My text message back: sounds good. wear the dress. i am going for showing tits. let's bring tits back.

Email from Kid Kickball today:

As advertised on the website and via numerous emails, the End of Season Party is tonight at 18th and Red (formerly Anzu, 2436 18th St. NW. ) in Adams Morgan. From 7PM to midnight we will have an open bar (with free beer and well drinks), a DJ, maybe some food (undecided), and a very brief awards ceremony.

We will also be unveiling the new Adams Morgan Cup (aka Eastwick Cup in honor of former AdMo President Eastwick). The Cup, similar to the Stanley Cup, records the division winner each year. Each winning team is allowed to hold the cup until the following year.

Playa and Lush of the year winners will also receive their prizes.

The AdMo Division End of Season Party is FREE to division players. $10 for everyone else.

Player 1: hmm... what if District Belle has to check her name at the door, AND in addition show her ID. yes, this is a scenario i thought about while getting dressed this morning. hmm, i mean $10 for all you can drink really isnt bad, if it comes down to it. and well drinks... sam, what are the chances it'll be raspberry stoli? unlikely, yea, damn! see yall tonight. i did not bring a back up outfit, so i will be the one wih the boobs popping out. sam and i are trying to bring it back.. kinda like bringing sexy back- but they're boobs.

District Belle: I think I can swing the $10 if I gotta... =) Well, I'm wearing my dress to work. I'm thinking I might have pushed the dress code just a bit. Oh well!

Me: Awesome! Yeah, cranberry and vodka it is=) And, yeah, I bet it's just a check off at the door- so she's random weird girl who never come to any games.

Player 4: So is everyone dressing up like they're going out?

District Belle: I am ... cute capped sleeve dress. Pretty low v-neck (by my standards, anyway!!)

Player 3: I'm wearing a skirt and tank top... I was looking at my dresses this morning and wasn't feeling any of them....

Player 1: i'm wearing a cute capped sleeve dress too. low v-neck. its all black. i am wearing a tank underneath it to work, and then after work, the tank top comes out!

Player 4: I was gonna wear a green tube top dress with flip flops. Its the same dress i wore on my birthday but actually only Sam saw me and she probably doesn't remember. Whatever, I'm wearing it, i'm sure its fine.

Brando last night: I like that you go out more than me and all. I just wish I didn't have to be on volume control 4 nights a week.

Me: Fair enough. My drinking will slow down beginning on Wednesday.

A Non-Legwarmed Dewbie No More.

Oh what a weekend.

I don't even know where to begin telling you about it. From my new obsession to Kent Island, to SW pulling down a guys pants and exposing him to the whole 80s crowd at the Legwarmers concert, to Lisa and I waking up with our bags in a double bed in Dewey, to dancing on stage at the Rusty Rudder with Kristin and the Noise.

Oh my my my.

I give you a pictorial overview of the weekend.

District Belle met me at the Foggy Bottom metro before we drove over to MS and SW's house for a pre-Legwarmer's party and photo op. She wore her sunglasses on the metro to minimize the looks she was getting for sporting a mini skirt and shoulder showing shirt complete with a rainbow strapped bra. The blue eyeshadow hiding didn't help.

The show was one of the only places where not being in costume would make you look silly.

Standing in the bathroom line- Me: OMG, Led Zeppelin might be playing here. Could that happen? How cool! The Mack: That's Lez Zeppelin. Probably a Lesbian cover band. Not that I wouldn't go or anything.

So much fun!

Saturday morning, we woke up entirely too early and met at Franky and the Mack's to embark on our Dewey Beach adventure. Lisa's got a half share for the summer. She gets a guaranteed bed (which means half a bed if the bed is a queen or double) for the summer. For $50 a night, we get to be guests and sleep on an air mattress on the floor in the house. This also includes alcohol. We decided to try this out for one night before committing to a full weekend in the future.

Peter gave us these crazy awesome directions through the Maryland and Delaware corn fields. We called him to say we were extremely thankful for the hour he saved us. Peter: There isn't a car in sight, I'm sure. How do you like the corn fields? Me: Well besides seeing a dude teaching another dude how to dance and some kids trying to get us to join them in the corn, we're doing okay. Oh and this hot guy on a tractor is writing things in the corn for us.

We laid out for a couple hours and then hit the Lighthouse for infamous orange crush drinks. The Mack had a slight contact malfunction and ended up winking at the bartender. It didn't get us free drinks. Better luck next time.

We showered and joined the other house shares and their guests for a game of flip cup and beer pong at the next door neighbors house. The neighbors were about 40 and had a breathalyzer they kept administering on Franky and the Mack. Once Franky's came out sober, they moved along to another girl.

An impromptu dance party then began. I liked how the only artwork (outside of Bud Light ads on the wall) was hanging crooked. I made the Mack take a picture with me pretending like we were leaning with it. My drink was super strong. It was hilarious at the time.

We danced for who knows how long. Franky and I kept adding alcohol, but no mixers, to our drink. Then we headed to the Rusty Rudder to hear Kristin and the Noise play. I had no idea who the band was, but everyone else seemed super excited. On route by foot, one of the boys suggested the two of us take a rickshaw. The guy had lost his keys and spent the entire weekend whining about it. I called the Mack: Look across the street now. Look where I am. The Mack: What? OMG! How and when did you get in a rickshaw? Think they'll drive Steve back to DC.

After one kamikaze shot, we danced around only to come face to face with a poster that read "They Might be Giants." Lisa is sharing a house with the Giant's crew, randomly, in case you didn't remember. Actually, those we met and hung with that night were completely awesome. The Giant wasn't there, so it wasn't uncomfortable at all. Doubt it would be anyways.

Then we took jello shots. We got some dude to take the photo only to realize later his shirt said "You're looking at a legend." I would never associate with someone who wore something like that normally. Blame it on the shot.

We pushed our way to the front of the stage only to be pulled on to dance with Kristin and the Noise. I gave my camera to a guy from the house who took a million awesome shots of our dance moves. Those guys in the front were really really ridiculously into us. It was sort of gross. No one recalls what songs were playing, and yet, Franky was able to remember the lyrics and song Jesse sang for Rebecca, Nicky, and Alex on Full House ("If every word you said could make me laugh, I'd talk forever...")

We danced on the ground for a while. I don't know who the dude behind us is...

Sleeping arrangements were strange. Franky and the Mack shared a twin bed in a room with another dude from the house. They were woken up by some girls singing to the dude, "Wake up and don't forget your umbrella, brella, brella, hey hey." Lisa and I awoke on the 3rd floor in a full bed when a girl came in from the night out at 7am. We'd fallen asleep with our purses in bed like we were backpacking Europe or something. Perky all the same, we dressed and headed to the beach to lay out and then strolled the Rehoboth boardwalk.

We had a little too much rearranging the magnets in a 5 & 10 on the boardwalk. It kept us laughing all day.

On the way back, we stopped at a WaWa for gas and sandwiches. There, we spotted another Giant. It was a MUST TAKE picture.

Lisa's statement that she didn't get the deal with sandwiches and WaWa sparked a 2 hour debate on the car ride back about sandwiches. We stopped it finally by trying to play 6 degrees. With our brains fried, we managed to figure out a way to trace Andrew McCarthy back to Andrew McCarthy. At that point, we pumped up my mixed cds of teen movie soundtracks and enjoyed the view of Kent Island (I never knew it existed and fully intend to take a day trip there now)!

The end. I left out like a million other funny things (including the following conversation at Mama's Celeste after the bar. Me: Oh, he's cute. Excuse me, how old are you? Guy: 18. Why? Me: Oh, I wish you'd said 20. Oh well. Andrew: He probably should start by wearing shoes. Me: Oops. Didn't notice that.)

I need to sleeeeep.

Let the weekend begin.

from: the Mack
to: Lisa (that's formally CE, but since we now know she dated a computer dork. She gets a name based on the hot chick created by Anthony Michael Hall in Weird Science), Franky
date: Jun 22, 2007 1:43 PM
subject: Fwd: Starboard Update!!

lisa- i don't know if you subscribe... but i do... DEWEY BALLER....

check out the fun stuff going on at starboard tomorrow!!! PIG ROAST! holler!!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: monty@thestarboard.com <monty@thestarboard.com>
Date: Jun 22, 2007 1:36 PM
Subject: Starboard Update!!

June 22nd, 2007 - THIS WEEKEND!

SATURDAY: (COORS LIGHT PIG ROAST)
Obviously you will start your day off right here with our incredible breakfast, and a Bloody Mary, Mimosa, Red Bull, or whatever you need to revitalize yourself! Some of you will head to the beach with the beautiful weather, while the rest of you will not even think of bringing a beach chair, as your day will be spent right here with us on our deck! As I always say, Protect your Skin, Not your Liver... spend your daytime at The Starboard!
COORS LIGHT wants to thank all of you that come to Dewey Beach for the Weekends by giving the first 400 of you tomorrow a Gift Bag from Coors Light and The Starboard! At 1pm Saturday, their promotional girls will be here to distribute to all of you that are here drinking Coors Light the gift bag, which is just another great souvenir from your summer of 2007 here in Dewey Beach! Coors Light has helped us purchase a beautiful new smoker/grill that is out in our parking lot to do Saturday afternoon PIG ROASTS!! So beginning tomorrow, you can stop in for some extremely Fresh Pulled Pork BBQ from right out front on our new grill! Could be just the thing to hit the spot when you leave the beach!
Saturday night, DJ Smoky is here and with No Cover charge ever here, the crowds will be huge, and the lines will be long for sure! So get showered up after Jam Session or whatever, and get back here quickly for the best Saturday night spot in Dewey!

WEEKEND WEATHER!
We have seen it all here on our Dewey Summer Weekends, Sun, Cold, Wind, Rain, Hurricanes,etc... but this weekend looks to be about as PERFECT a forecast we can get. SUNNY, SUNNY, and SUNNY! Luckily for you, The Starboard is SPF 1000, so you are safe to spend your day in our Air Conditioning! Ha!

TIME TO HIT DEWEY BEACH for the weekend, we are all stocked, ready and waiting here at The Starboard!!
Drive Safely!
-Monty

from: Franky

This jewish girl loves her piggies! Can't wait to eat them while laying in a blanket on the beach! Mack, I will bring my IU one if you promise not to lose it!

hahaha
Sooo psyched!!

from: The Mack

hahaha.. wow. i just laughed out loud, and i was on phone when i read this!

pigs in a blanket.ha. damn.

from: Sam

the trojan commercial comes to mind...

from: Franky

hahaha that commercial is on the home page of myspace. I think of you Sam everytime I see it.

uh you know what I mean...

from: The Mack

yea... i notcied it was on myspace too.
i'm just so NOT offended by that commercial... i think its very clever and funny!!

lisa- wanna walk over to my place like 715 or so and ill drive us to ballston.
sam- whats yours and district belle's plan for tonight [for the Legwarmer's concert]?

from: Sam

leaving my place like 7:15-7:30ish and heading down to the pre-party. So, guess all meet there?

from: the Mack

yea. i can fit us all in car. and i think kk is coming over and then will drive to ballston... so lisa we got you covered with car options. everyone better be dressed up tho! i may need to adjust my outfit at the pre-party when i get more accessories from peeps.

oh, i had AR go out today and buy us all ring pops!!! sooo cool, right!

from: Lisa

Haha awesome! I need to leave work early and get my outfit together- I have no idea what I am wearing!! I just emailed my roommate to see if she can be ready by 7:15 and who will be coming. She is infamous for being late, so I don’t want to hold you back- I’ll let you know her deal when she gets back to me. KK is driving too? or just leaving her car in ballston?

from: Sam

Random question not associated with tonight, but sorta associated (my hairs curly for tonight, clearly more 80s). Tomorrow night, if I want to straighten before we go out, what is the primping situation at the house? Should I buy a little stand up mirror?

from: Lisa

There is a “girls only” bathroom and a few mirrors in random rooms (plus 2 other bathrooms with mirrors). You should be okay finding a mirror to straighten your hair….i had no problem last time.

from: Sam

okay. awesome! i'm so HM [high maintenance for the chickish abbreviation oblivious] sometime!

from: the Mack

oh, when it come to hair. i am totally HM. i'm bring hair dryer. straightener. products.
its on!

from: Sam

oh cool. can i use your hair dryer? i'm bringing my straightening iron though, simultaneous straightening to be done.

from: the Mack

done. i don't need a mirror.... i'm that skilled in the art of straightening!

oh, i got a deck of cards too.. yes, unrelated to hair care maintenance.

Perhaps Pitch was right earlier when he decided not to come with us to the Legwarmer's tonight because it might be too many chicks. He declared:

I haven't found something better...I just don't want to impose on your girly group tonight...I might end up waking up saturday morning with breasts.

don't want that.

I give you my life-

-----Original Message-----
From: Ali
To: Friends and Family
Sent: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 3:15 pm
Subject: engagement photos

Hi Guys,
Matthew and I just did our engagement shoot last weekend with our (AMAZING) wedding photographer, Angelica Glass. We romped around the streets of Manhattan for about an hour, and here is a “preview” of some of the shots she took. Check them out on her blog…
I can’t wait to work with her on August 18th!
Love,
Ali

http://angelicaglass.bigfolioblog.com/weblog/post/8171

-----Original Message-----
From: Sam
To: Ali
Sent: Thu, 21 Jun 2007 5:43 pm
Subject: Re: engagement photos

okay, while they're very attractive and i totally want to buy the perfume/clothing/alcohol/motorcycle/dating service you and matthew are selling, i have one question- what would she do if her clients were big fat ugly people who met through an on-line game? it's gotta be an easy job when an ex-model and beauty queen meets a 6-foot-4 floridian ex-fraternity president turned investment banker.

just saying. love you mucho! sam.

Trojan says men are pigs and other tid bits.

Forward from Vive's friend:

Check out Trojan's new condom ad: http://www.trojanevolve.com/.

According to Kaiser, Fox and CBS recently rejected a television commercial for Trojan condoms, the New York Times reports. Fox in a letter to Trojan said it rejected the ad because contraceptive "advertising must stress health-related uses rather than the prevention of pregnancy." CBS in a rejection wrote that the ad was not "appropriate" for the network "even with late-night only restrictions."

Lame of both Fox and CBS, but I think the commercial is quite funny!

Leave it to Peter to send me the following gChat message first thing in the morning:

Peter: where not to have sex: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,284955,00.html

I then cut and pasted the link for Brando:

Brando: i'll read it later. i'm in a room with 4 people. ha.
Sam: subject header is "S.C. Cops: Naked Couple Falls 50 Feet From Rooftop to Their Deaths"
Brando: hahaha. nice.
Sam: so, make sure not to do it on any roofs.
Brando: ok. i'll remember that one.

Palm Beach Tanning in Arlington:

I'm unable to fake and bake. My father's a burn doctor. I'd be disowned. Even when tanning beds were deemed safe (wtf?) back in the 90s, I couldn't go with my friends just in case I spontaneously combusted and was found by my folks charcoaled in a bed. I'd be put in an anonymous grave in Alaska before they allowed me next to them having died in such a way.

Incidentally, when I smoked, I used to joke that I couldn't cheat on lung cancer with skin cancer.

Anyways, I'm going to Dewey with the ladies this weekend and pale. Not as pale as I was before Florida. But pale enough to not look like the bronzed goddess I have in my head I could be with a tan (I'm not sure why we all think a tan can make us look like a Hawaiian Tropics model suddenly, but all the same).

So, I went to Palm Beach Tan on Wilson Blvd. for a Mystic Tan (spray on without UV rays). They open at 6am, so it's possible to go before work, which is nice. The Assistant Manager was the most pleasant person on the planet even super early in the morning (I'm not exaggerating). She explained everything to me and then had me watch a video. It's a little confusing figuring out what the "barrier cream" you put on your feet and hands does. She was very good about explaining. $25 later, I have a nice, mild glow that doesn't scream skin cancer victim with potential for 35-year-old leather face.

And that's all.

I've been looking for a driver who is qualified

So if you think that you´re the one, step into my ride. I´m a fine-tuned supersonics speed machine. Got a sunroof top and a gangster lean.

I'm mildly obsessed with Rihanna's "Shut Up and Drive" right now. Well, that and that song "New Shoes" by Paolo Nutini on the Hilton commercial, Gwen Stefani's "4 in the Morning," and the Red Hot Chili Pepper's "Snow."

Poor Vive, AB, and Brando. Last night, they came over to barbecue and were forced to listen to my newest random downloads from iTunes. They sucked it up, smiled, and kept their eyes on the hickory smoked chicken as they cringed at my bizarre music taste.

Yesterday's gchat with the Mack got me thinking about my mild obsessions with a variety of things. Convo is below:

The Mack: do you say "totally" alot
Sam: yeah all the time
The Mack: b/c i've been saying it SOOOO much
Sam: brando makes fun of me
The Mack: i think i got it from you
Sam: totally
The Mack: yea, no, for real... that's my answer for anything
Sam: yeah, that's all me
The Mack: thanks. bitch
Sam: and bizarre is from the master
The Mack: ha. kidding.
Sam: clearly is from the pea. but, i talk like a valley girl. i say like, chick, dude, and totally on a regular basis.
The Mack: ha. the master and the pea do say those catch phrases. we should turn it into a drinking game.
Sam: and franky is "i know, right?" which i've picked up recently.
The Mack.: i say dude and totally. i know, right? is me. franky got that from me
Sam: oh really? funny
The Mack: which i stole from mean girls
Sam: i got it from her.
The Mack: haha
Sam: so funny
The Mack: so great
Sam: we're single handedly bringing back the Mallrats dictionary.

So, I started thinking about things I'm mildly obsessed with outside of top 40 songs that Hot 99.5 might be overplaying and the word "totally."

Here's a list of things that, currently, I'm mildly obsessed with (and I use mildly, because I get bored so easily nothing sticks as an obsession for too long. In fact, after I write this, I'll probably be over a couple of these things already.):

-Reba McEntire, whether she's singing or acting. She looks like the child of Midge and a troll doll. I think it's awesome.

-Stinky Fingers' Carolina Sweet barbecue sauce now available in grocery stores. So delicious.

-My Life on the D List. This season has been hilarious. Kathy went out with Nick Carter for publicity and turned him down for a goodnight kiss.

-Original Red Bull. I know, I know.

-Calvin Klein's Perfect Fit swimwear that comes in bra sized tops. Brilliant! I went bikini shopping yesterday and wound up with 3 suits because I can't make freakin' decisions myself. Vive helped me choose and the CK one got a unanimous "yes!" I know this might not seem like a problem to many people, but just imagine having to normally buy an XL top and have it fitted because you're a size small in actuality, just not on top. It's insane. Coco Reef, Shoshanna, and CK are my heroes.

-The following foods: Bacos, Bush's Vegetarian Baked Beans, avocados, 97% fat free Hebrew National hot dogs, Boca Vegan burgers, Fiber One Honey Clusters, pretzels, pecans, Diet Pepsi, asparagus, grilled tomatoes, Chef Boyardee ravioli,

-gChat during the days (especially the status section where I pick quotes from Brainy Quote), Facebook and MySpace (I like the applications on Facebook like SuperPoke!, Top Friends, and Graffiti walls. Peter's not so happy about it. Here's his gchat comment of the day: why is facebook trying to be myspace. if they start allowing people to customize the backgrounds of their profile pages, i'm quitting the site. the one thing i liked about facebook over myspace was that loading someone's profile didn't cause me epileptic seizures.), Picassa for quick upload web albums, and pretty much email and the computer in general.

- Urban Decay makeup. Especially the product names that top OPI polish names. Namely- Big Fatty mascara and Crash, Baked, Last Call, and Strip eyeshadow. A huge blast of smoke hit my face last night, as usual when I'm barbecuing. I went to the bathroom to take off my eye makeup since I'd forgotten to do so before I was cooking. Not a smudge insight. Even Vive was impressed! Oh an District Belle has started using Big Fatty mascara too.

Okay, and I'll stop there for now. There's more, I'm sure, but you should probably be getting back to work or something.

Hunting and Galaing-

I spent yesterday cleaning my bathroom, recovering from a vicious all-you-can-drink Ketel One martini bar, and watching Stick It. I feel so proud.

Haley Graham: Stop being so nasty, Joanne.
Joanne: It's not called gym-nice-stics.

Okay, so I'm a loser, baby, so why don't you kill me.

Backtracking to Friday evening. I met KK, Franky, the Mack, and company at the Big Hunt to help celebrate KK's birthday. They'd all been to dinner at Levante's first, so it was a little irritating to be the only person even remotely sober in the group (I was saving up for Saturday night's gala). Brando and his crew of visiting friends arrived at midnight to sit on the roof deck and get drinks. I was happy to have everyone gathering in one location completely coincidentally. At around 1am, I offered the Mack and Franky and ride home since, and I quote myself here, "There will be very few times that I'm sober, and you're drunk. Let me offer you a ride if I can."

Saturday, District Belle and I hit Nail Avenue in Van Ness for mani/ pedis and then brunch at Cafe Deluxe. It took me until my technician showed me the $36 price tag to remember what it was that made me like this random salon Jenny'd taken me to about three months ago. Ah, it's ridiculously cheap. I'd forgotten.

Pitch and I got all dolled up in black tie (even though the invite said black tie optional which technically means anyone under 35 doesn't have to wear a tux or gown, but, of course, everyone wore tuxes anyways. I adhered to the optional part and went cocktail length with my dress.) He picked me up at 6:15pm, and we headed down to the Andrew Mellon Auditorium for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Man of the Year Awards Gala.

A red carpet welcomed us into the historic and elegantly designed auditorium. We noshed on meat heavy appetizers, which I thought were a strange choice considering so many do-gooders are vegetarians or vegans. But, I was content with my chicken salad wrapped in dough and tied with a piece of basil.

The silent auction items were provided by the 12 candidates and included everything from VIP tents at polo matches to original paintings of lillies. A Ketel One, all ice, martini bar offered delicious drink options that proved deadly for my sobriety that evening. We sat down at our tables and enjoyed waiters refilling our wine glasses, caprese salad, steak main dish, and strawberry shortcake dessert.

Noah, our candidate, came in second for Man of the Year. In two months, he raised $60,000 completely through a grassroots campaign. In total, the candidates raised about $859,000 in 2 months. That's amazing considering this email from Noah last week:

More importantly, the money we raise goes to help people like my grandfather, who passed away from multiple myeloma, and my friend, Kerry, who is fighting non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.

$1000 Provides one week's salary for a medical researcher at NIH, Johns Hopkins or GW who may discover key information for developing curative treatments for blood cancers.

$500 Provides a patient with leukemia, lymphoma or myeloma financial aid to support medical treatment and travel to medical appointments for one year.

$200 Provides funding for a Family Support Group Program for one year where comfort can be found and experiences can be shared among patients and family members mediated by a trained facilitator.

$100 Helps supply laboratory researchers with supplies and materials critical to carrying out their search for cures.

$50 Covers the cost of one CT scan.

$25 Covers the cost of one prescription co-payment.

Thanks again! I can't do this without you!

-Noah
After the gala, we drove down to Brando's roommate's going away party in Ballston where we met up with District Belle and Sassy. I could only stick around for an hour before I was ready to pass out. I made it home by 2am and fell right asleep. What a fun night!

Now, I'm in detox for the week... or the rest of the morning.... okay, okay... for the next hour.

Tid Bits

18th Street Lounge rooftop-

I'm a fan. Vive planned a happy hour there yesterday. I'd never been to the outside part. Drinks were hideously overpriced ($9 each for Stoli raz and sprite), but the funky decor and attractive clientele almost made up for it. Apparently the bartender on the deck (who looked pissed off when anyone ordered anything, which I don't get. Isn't that his job?) was requiring a $25 minimum on credit card tabs, but the bartender inside on the 1st floor was only requiring a $10 minimum. That was strange.

Metro Ride-

I don't usually take the metro in the mornings, but I did take it back from Ballston this morning (and, yes, I'm being vague on purpose here). I was leaving from the Virginia Square stop. So, I get down to the train and in the doors just as an announcement tells us that the train has been stopped for a while and another train is coming on the opposite platform (the side going to Vienna). Everyone files out of the train and up the escalator to the other side just as a train is closing it's doors (ie, like 10 people got on the train). So, we're standing on the Vienna side, confused, and an announcement tells us the train on the original side is now leaving. We all file up the escalator and down to the other side just as the doors are closing on that train to (ie barely 10 people got on the train). Then, we all stand, waiting, for 6 minutes until another train comes along.

Did I mention how happy I am that I commute by foot?

While waiting, a weird looking man approached me and asked if I worked at a specific company.

Me: Nope. Sorry. Do I look like someone who does?
Weirdo: No.
Me: Okay.
Weirdo: Do you work for Senator Brown's office?
Me: Nope. Sorry again. What state is that?
Weirdo: Ohio.
Me: Oh. Are you from Ohio?
Weirdo: No.

And then he walked away. It was bizarre.

Only capped by the chick next to me standing on the metro who was reading The Majesty's Dragon while moving her lips along and with a pointer. She kept toppling over when the train stopped, because she couldn't read, use the pointer, and hold onto a poll.

I remember once pointing out that Manhattan had 20 times more crazy people than anywhere else I'd lived. Jerk then commented, "It's just that there's only 10 miles of island for them to occupy thus they're more concentrated and appear larger in number."

What's DCs excuse?

Gala Time-

The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society's Man of the Year Campaign is almost complete. Tomorrow night's the gala. Pitch is coming as my date. We're wearing black tie ensembles. I'm excited for the photos.

Do the Do.

I used to joke growing up that I had one aspiration- to be Vogue's "It Girl." Then, at Conde, I joked that I had revised my aspiration to be on the NY Post's Page Six for a good reason. Now, I've been in DC for a while, and I have revised my aspiration again to be more worldly, if you will. I'd like to someday be in Wikipedia for a good reason (no sexual scandal or death by Congressman).

Okay, so, since I've yet to discover a cure for Cancer or peace plan for the Middle East, I'll revise again. I'd like to get spotted as a Do in Glamour's new online Dos and Don'tspotter. Possible, right? Besides which, I'm mildly obsessed with rating other peoples hideous snapshots of visible panty lines, tees that say things, and American Flag apparel. Go play here.

Jazz and Cell Phones and Sliding Roofs

What an interesting weekend.

Thursday was June's Jazz on Jackson Place at the Decatur House. Pitch forwarded the Evite on to a few hundred dozen of his closest DC friends, so the crowd was more diverse than in previous months. It also was evident that JOJP is catching on and is become less of a hidden gem in DC. They've upped the catered nibblets to include fancier cheeses and sushi or chocolate covered strawberries, and they've put more tables throughout the whole courtyard. The days of knowing everyone under 35 was a friend of mine or Suave's is rapidly diminishing.

Sigh.

After Jazz, a couple of us headed to Cafe Citron for some mojitoville time. There, we were, as usual, accosted by short foreign dudes and 21-year-old WASPs. Why does this always seems to be the crowd at Cafe Citron? In the car with JB on the way back to my apartment, I was ecstatic to sing along to The Night the Lights Went Out in Georgia on WMZQ.

Friday evening I met PC at Oyamel in Chinatown for fancy tacos, guacamole, and drinks before heading to the Woolly Mammoth Theater Company's production of Dead Man's Cell Phone. Read PC's overview of the marketing campaign here. The play was highly entertaining and incredibly funny. The premise is that a shy girl finds the cell phone of a dead man and ends up comforting his loved ones. The twists in the plot though definitely leave you wondering if someone slipped pot into your dinner, into their dinner, or into the metro air system.

Oh, and the lead character is played by Polly Noonan who was the girl in Ferris Bueller's Day Off
in the last scene on the bus who offers Mr. Rooney gummy bears from her pocket. She's still as cartoonish in speaking voice and expression, and it works extraordinarily well for the production. After the show, we were able to ask the playwright questions. It was interesting to see how similar she and Polly Noonan seemed.

After the show, a reception was held with truffles, wine, and board members (this was the sponsors showing night). We drank more, talked shop, and then headed to Buffalo Billiards for more alcohol. I'm wondering how badly my life would suck if I stopped drinking. Damn good thing I've got no genetic addictions to alcohol in my blood line.

Jenny, Sassy, and I met on the roof of Tabaq on Saturday evening. We drank ridiculously expensive drinks while trying to tune out ridiculously pretentious and/or foreign conversations around us. We got adequately buzzed and walked over to Buzz Kill 16 (my new name for Local 16). Seriously, every time I go to Local 16, I lose my buzz. I- wait in line at the door, wait in line to get upstairs, wait in line to get a tiny expensive drink from a pompous bartender, wait in line for the bathroom, wait in line to get back on the patio, wait in line to get inside once the patio is closed, and pretend to be drunk enough to want to talk to fake-ID carrying B&T boy so I can scootch ahead of him down the stairs to leave.

Text from Pitch: "Come dance upstairs."
Text to Pitch: "Sassy and I are in cab to Big Hunt to meet Brando."

The rooftop at the Big Hunt, despite a couple tattooed and faux-hawked dudes, had tables, chairs, and a much more pleasant atmosphere.

I stayed there until around 2am and then headed home for bed. I didn't get out of bed until roughly 2pm yesterday. Though, Brando recently got me hooked on Top Chef and technically I was watching Marcel be an ass from 10am on. But, it was in my sweatpants tucked under my toile comforter, so, let's say I was a lazy bum regardless.

Last night I tossed some hickory chips and charcoal on my barbecue and over cooked some chicken that I intend to eat all week. Mmmm. Now I'm hungry already.

Way to kick start the week for sure. Hope you had a nice weekend and didn't end up with any dead person's cleaning up or anything.

For the Record-

This came in my email this morning:

From Fishs Eddy.

Explain to me again why our dressing like Indians was deemed racist? Someone compared it to how I'd feel if a team dressed like Orthodox Jews. It's perpetuating a stereotype, but it's not racist. I wouldn't be overly upset. Now, if they dressed like Nazi's, that's a whole other story. Prince Harry much? But, if a Caucasian man dresses like a rapper for Halloween, is he racist toward African Americans? My opinion: it's not politically correct, but I still don't understand how it's racist. Anyone want to field this?

Anyways, just thought I'd share.

To Know or Not

A beautiful 25-year-old girl I know in New Jersey was diagnosed with uterine cancer last year. She is now in remission, but she was told by her doctor that she will not be able to give birth. On the phone, she strained to say, "I almost wish I didn't know this. I’d rather have hope. I’d rather think that I could get pregnant still."

That's the age old question: If someone could tell you the date, time, and place of your death, would you want to know?

I don't really want to get into why I'm thinking about this, but I do want to highlight the debate. Would you rather know that something bad was coming? Even if you couldn't tell anyone you knew? The plus to having knowledge in advance is that you have time to gradually form a reaction. The minus, of course, is that you end up in a Chinese torture of harboring anxiety of the impending doom.

The last 3 days, I’ve found myself chanting Episcopalian private school teachings I’d thought I’d forgotten: “G-d will never give you more than you can handle in one day.”

I am currently in the process of forming 12 reactions to a troubling event that is soon to take place. I don’t know when it will come. I don’t know how it will come. But, let’s just say, I’m 100% sure it’s coming. And, I hate that I know ahead of time. However, I think it’s probably for the best that I do. I have to believe that fate had this knowledge in my cards.

Then again, I probably offset the balance by making a wish for love on every yellow light and with every penny I toss in a fountain (I know and, yes, feel free to gag) . You can’t have everything, and, truth be told, I’m happier with having what I recently got than keeping stability. This is all in code. I’ll try to work up the courage to explain more another time.

Fushia Lipstick Should Be Illegal

I used to blame QVC, The Home Shopping Network, and Kmart for making most American women fashion victims. Playing on eBay the other day in search of a costume for District Belle and Sassy's Saved By the Bell-themed party on the 30th, I saw one too many 100% cotton potato sacks with arm holes described as "Fashionable denim embroidered church dress. Perfect classic." I guess I can now safely blame eBay for making it impossible for someone like me to ever live in Boise, Idaho or Fargo, North Dakota. I mean, you've got Mary Kate and Ashley and Hilary Duff designing hip clothing for tweens across America, but Koos can't create anything for the size 14 housewife in Missouri? I'm confused.

Then again, I was playing around on the On Tap photo gallery website (I'm in a couple of the pics from the Cinco de Midtown Crawl), and saw these fushia lips. Hmmm, maybe DC isn't the place for me either?

Much A Do About Nothing

I did nothing remarkable this weekend, and yet feel like the wind has been knocked out of me all the same.

I drove to Alexandria Friday after work to purchase charcoal brick, hickory chips, a new fire starter, basting brushes, meat, the ingredients for pasta salad, slaw, baked beans, etc. with the plan being that I'd hold a barbecue on Sunday evening for all of my friends. My list was 2 steno notebook pages long and took me about 4 hours to completely finish. So, I got home at 10pm and found myself laying in bed with a book by 10:15pm. Exciting stuff.

Saturday, I cleaned. Scrubbed, dusted, folded, bleached, polished the stainless still on the grill with this fab Goo Be Gone grill cleaner, hung, vacuumed, and then took the longest most relaxing shower ever. I'm a wild child these days.

At 6:30pm, Brando and I drove down to Dixie Bones in Woodbridge for some delicious barbecue. We even waiting the whole 15 minutes over the 30 minutes they promised for a table. My pulled chicken sandwich and potato salad and pecan pie put me into a little daze, so I was glad we skipped mini golfing and watched movies afterwards instead.

It rained Sunday. I was off to get lunch with Brando and then buy a tent so I could barbecue when the rain made my back wooden steps super slippery. Brando slid down them and popped his shoulder out of place and bumped his head. He walked in only to fall on the ground and lose consciousness briefly. I thought he was having a seizure and gonna choke on his tongue, so I pulled him back up and had him go sit on the couch where he almost lost consciousness again. I brought him some water and went to lift his arm up to stretch it only to dislocate his shoulder. Apparently this was the worst pain he's ever felt in all of his life.

Thank goodness for the shoulder pain, because I don't think I would have convinced him to go to the ER (even with my father and my primary care physician insisting he go) otherwise.

The ER took forever. All day. The Pea was nice enough to send out a message to my barbecue guests saying that the cookout was off, though, she later admitted it was weird to write without saying the truth about why it was off. I suppose it did look a bit strange to have my friend write a message on behalf of me saying the barbecue was off due to weather. Especially considering I'm totally always with my laptop.

The not-so-nice male admitting nurse (then again, would I want to be this guy ever) informed us at 2pm that we'd soon have a room in the ER, but to clear our schedules all day as GW is a teaching hospital and can take hours. I texted my mom: "Remind me not to have a heart attack or be shot in DC. I'll die before they see me."

Two bottles of real soda (I needed the sugar. Apologies to my teeth.), two personal pan pizzas from the cafeteria (which were remarkably good even though I could only get down one slice of mine. And, wow, that hospital has a Starbucks inside. So cool.), one cat scan, one entire showing of The Fugitive and Mission Impossible, one modified game of Go Fish using Creative Children's cards I bought in the gift store (Brando: "I can't believe you just modified the rules to Go Fish."), several walks to the farthest door of the ER to use my cell phone, and many grimaces at the 3 hours of hysterics by the woman on the other side of the curtain in Brando's room (she slipped and fell and sprained her ankle. I remarked later, "your fall was so much worse. Wait, is it wrong that I'm being competitive about this?") and it was 9pm.

Brando got a referral to an orthopedic surgeon, foam and Velcro sling (much more advance slings today) which he did not want me to sign (no fun), Percocet and super strong 800mg Ibuprofen, and an explanation for why he lost consciousness. I guess what happened is that he literally was knocked out (like in the movies or a boxing match). I'd never seen that before, so I thought it was a seizure. I suppose being a doctor's kid makes me think everything is more extreme than it is... oh well. Better safe than sorry.

I was so hungry I wanted Wendy's. Brando was too, thank heavens. I don't think a junior bacon cheeseburger has ever tasted so much like a Peter Luger steak before. It was the greatest thing I've ever eaten in my entire life. I got home and passed out immediately like the doctor had given me the Percocet.

So yeah, it was a much a do about nothing weekend.

Tid Bits

At Russia House last night for a Team Cuttler event-

The Mack: You've spilled the majority of your drink on the ground you realize.
Me: Ooops. The thing is, the vodka in this is so good that I know it's actually in there, but I can't taste it one bit. I feel it though.

Other comments on the evening? Um, the electric violinist playing hip music was odd and rivet ting all at the same time.

It was Peter's birthday so we had a cake for him. I had 4 options for his cake- a Cars themed one, a Spiderman one, a dragonfly shaped one, or one with those weird little balloons all over it. I found one of those singing cards that sang "At the Car Wash," so his cake had a little race car with eyes on it. Then, I got random guys in the bar he didn't know to sign the card for him. The responses were hilarious- "I want to have your babies. -Jason." "Man, 27 is old! We've had great times man. Your bud, Bob." "You're awesome! Awesome! -Frank" Peter didn't think it was quite as funny, but I cracked myself up.


MF, the Mack, Brando and I left with PC (oh, just realized his initials are PC, too funny) to go to his apartment building's rooftop party and barbecue. We got really into riding in the back of PC's convertible and took like 20 pictures of ourselves with the wind in our hair.

We expected something makeshift, but instead found a live band and 3 barbecues with a perfect view of the Washington Monument. The Mack and MF were able to convince the band to play Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone" while they sang along. After that climax to the evening, we had no other choice but to head home. Well, and because the martinis hit me pretty hard (luckily. Considering they were a million dollars each.)

gchat this morning:

Sam: OMG! Rock on!

The Decatur House will open a new exhibition June 8, 2007 on loan from the John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum entitled,Gifts from the World to the White House: Caroline Kennedy’s Doll Collection (1961-1963).

The exhibit displays over 70 dolls from 30 countries given to Caroline Kennedy between 1961 and 1963. Italy’s Prime Minister Amintore Fanfani, Côte d’Ivoire’s first President, Felix Houphouet-Boigny, India’s Indira Gandhi, Monaco’s Princess Grace, and France’s President and Madame de Gaulle, all presented dolls as state gifts, while others came from ordinary foreign citizens who were captivated by the youthful Kennedy Family.

Brando: that is so you.

Sam: I am so excited. Jackie O., dolls, antiques. It's like my version of porn.

Shakespeare for All on Wednesday Night.

Sorry, I'm behind on blogging lately. Shakespeare for All was awesome. Sassy got tickets for District Belle and I to Love's Labour Lost. We sat outside in the Carter Barron Amphitheater and watched the actors speak in Elizabethan tongues dressed in 1960s fashion (channeling the Beatles documented relationship with the Maharishi). Love's Labour Lost is definitely the type of Shakespeare play one should watch in an outdoor amphitheater. I think a drama would be hard to sit through. Incidentally, bug spray is a necessity. I was attacked alive even though I sprayed myself 700 times.

Cool Websites I was forwarded:

http://www.eccentricamerica.com/. I'm so all over the Roadkill Cook-Off in West Virginia September 29th.

http://www.driveintheater.com/. Unfortunately, the closest theater to DC is an hour and a half. Oh well, Annie Hall is July 16th at Screen on the Green. Woohoo!

Ciao. Have a fantastic weekend.