Friday, December 29, 2006

Another post today!

Sorry, but there's so much to talk about... some moron ended up in Montana while trying to get to Australia, and, it sucks to be Herbert Hoover!

From The Globe and Mail:

Wall Street's closing on the day of a national funeral dates back to the burial of President Ulysses S. Grant in 1885. However, the NYSE has sometimes traded on a shortened schedule during a presidential funeral — the last time, for Herbert Hoover's funeral in 1964.

How shitty that you'd be the President of the United States, and your name is more synonymous with a vacuum cleaner than your legacy?

Oh, and for the record, even Nixon got a full day of mourning (check out page 6)... on April 27, 1994.

Sucks to be Hoover (well, Herbert, since a Hoover vacuum would want to suck).

My brother cracks me up.

There ain't no one else in the world with my sense of humor. So, here's what Josh sent me for Hanukkah:

The Teen Witch DVD. Imagine being a growing young boy in your most formative years and having the girliest sister ever who makes you watch Teen Witch and Can't Buy Me Love non-stop?

The back of the DVD: "Louise is a shy misfit with a huge crush on- and no chance of dating- Brad, the hunky star of the high school football team. And when Louise discovers on her 16th birthday that she's descended from Salem witches, she uses her newfound powers to become the most popular girl on campus! But when sparks fly between her and Brad, how can she be sure it's true love... and that he's not simply spellbound?"

My favorite scene had her using a voodoo doll on the teacher who was mean to her. Oh, I laughed and laughed...

Also, my brother sent me a Simpson's rubik's cube shaped like Homer's head, cards with pink dresses on them, and post-its that are shaped like martini glasses and read "Party girls have all the fun."

In retaliation, The Adventures of Pete & Pete season 1 (two brothers with the same name, how much funnier can you get!) and Flight of the Navigator are now on their way to him at college. Last year, I gave him Peewee's Playhouse season 1.

Oh Yeah!

We will be closed on Tuesday, January 2, in accordance with President Bush's proclamation honoring former President Gerald Ford.

The Last TGIF of 2006...

And I'm listening to my Nano at the moment remembering my life. Does anyone else have moviesque flashbacks? You know, where you start selectively remembering a montage of your past experiences usually to music? Since I loaded all 150 of my CDs, collected from about 12 years old, I'm revisiting many different chapters of my life listening to my songs on shuffle.

Like, "Virtual Insanity" by Jamiroquai-

I bought the Travelling Without Moving CD at RISD during my summer pre-college art program. During the first week of the 6-week program, I was smitten with blond hair, blue eyed Peter. I finally kissed him on the first Friday of my stay... in the RISD quad... while drunk after chugging Jack Daniels my friend Nina had hidden in Arizona Ice Tea bottles in her dorm room. I had made friends with this total hippy from Maine named Taylor. He had long hair he wore in a low pony tail and huge dimples. All his shirts were announcements of some Phish show he'd seen. Everyone wanted Taylor. Morgan, in particular, wanted Taylor.

Taylor and I took a walk down to the waterfront the next Saturday. Sitting talking about my kissing Peter and him not liking Morgan, he admitted to me that he had feelings for me. My whole body tensed up. He walked me back to my dorm room, which was completely unnecessary actually, and then in the hallway, he turned me to him and started kissing me. I've never had that sort of kiss again. It was pretty much the magical kiss of my life. A girl on my floor was playing Jamiroquai loudly, and "Virtual Insanity" always reminds me of that first kiss.

Much happened after the kiss though. I wasn't sure I liked Taylor that much. He irritated me at times. Coming home from shopping on Thayer Street with the girls two weeks later, Taylor and some others were jumping around in the puddles leftover from a rain storm. He thought it would be funny to hug me in my pricey new Anna Sui dress. I looked at him, wet and sweaty, and told him it was over.

Then I missed Taylor. Desperately missed Taylor. I hung out with other guys and just wanted them to be Taylor. Of course, Taylor no longer wanted me. Taylor, the first in a long history of indecisive regrets on my part...

Thursday, December 28, 2006

The Right State of Be Mine

Just my Jack Handey thought of the day:

When you're in the right state of be mine, meaning you are happy enjoying yourself as a singleton, you can enjoy people more in the present. I'm less concerned where everything romantic is headed, and I'm finding myself judging people a whole lot less. I don't know that I want anything long term at the moment. Thus, my opinion currently is that being in the right state of be mine is a good place to be...

This comes after a very pleasant lunch with the Giant... great guy, btw.

To Be Sweet or Bitchy

That is the eternal question I ask myself.

If you are a bit hard to get and even the smallest thing can turn you off (including if a guy is too into you), is it better to be upfront and honest when you like someone?

I ask myself with every guy, how I should I act? And, it's not just about being yourself, because, in my case, I am myself being both. As I put it recently, I'm a little bit Martha Stewart and a little bit Conde Nast. I'm a bitch to those I don't like, aloof to those I don't know well without interest of getting to know, and sweet without limit to those I consider my friends.

So, how do you act with relationships? Do you cook them dinner or let them take you out to the nicest restaurant in town? Do you say things like, "I'm fine with whatever you want to do as long as I'm with you."

What's the correct way to behave? I've always been on the side of, your actions should be hard to get, but your words should be connected.

I'm confused.

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Quote of the Week

Vive and I waiting in line to pay at the Matzo Ball looks back at the line. "Yeah, I scoped already. Nothing worth recording, " I say. "Well," she replies, "the one good thing about dating someone who's Jewish is that if you break up with them... there are a 100 other guys who probably look exactly like him."

Nicely put.

Soulmates- The Game

As a young girl, I was never a huge fan of the game MASH. The game Soulmates was always my choice (isn't it amazing how children can find so many useless ways to occupy themselves). I don't know if you're all that familiar with the game Soulmates, but lately, I've been showing it to more and more people.

One person administers the test to a participant. The participant gives 10 names of people of the opposite sex (so a woman would give 10 guys names). All those on the list must be people both participants know. Gay, single, married... none of this matters. Then, the participant gives the name of 8 people, including themselves, of the same sex (so a woman would give her name and the names of 7 other girls). The administer should also be included on the list. Next the participant gives the numbers 1 through 10 out of order, which the administer places next to the names of the 10 people of the opposite sex, and the numbers 1 through 8 out of order, which the administer places next to the 8 people of the same sex.

The administer asks if the participant can see person #1 on each side together... then person #2, and so on. In this game, it matters not if any person has a different sexual orientation or is in a relationship already. The idea is- if no outside forces were involved, could you see these two people together? The administer keeps a record of the number of yes and the number of no couplings. The participant than answers if she would hook up with #9 and whether she would date #10.

The administers than tallies the number of yes answers. There's some discrepancy as to the next part, but the administer either counts down the list of opposite sex people by the number of yes answers to find the soulmate and/or the number appearing next to the opposite sex person re: the number of yeses.

So here's an example of how the game would look:

So in this (rigged) game, my Soulmate would be the Producer.

The reason I bring this game up is because it is an interesting example of how one simple partnership has the ability to affect who someone ends up with... say, I'd said above that I could still see myself dating Jerk. I would have been perfectly suited for either BG or Southern Beau. So, basically, if I wasn't quite over my ex, the ramifications could be seen in this game.

I got to thinking about this last night... how the possibility that there is no path could mean the potential for many different suitors. Like, what if I'd never started smoking in high school and instead developed a passion for McDonald's. What if I'd been overweight growing up and concentrated more on academics than clothing and parties? Where might I have ended up? WHO might I have ended up with? I know the exact moment I started smoking... at the beach at 16 with Darryl, Kevin, and Stephanie. The three of them were smoking. I took a cigarette, as I always did to fit in. Kevin pointed out that I wasn't inhaling. I wasn't, but I did. And I got a buzz from the cigarette. Later that night in Stephanie's car, I took another cigarette and got another buzz. A month later, I was buying my own packs of cigarettes... smoking with Darryl as we drove down the street listening to LL Cool J sing the remix of Loungin'.

At 16, I was 5 foot 7 and wore a size 4. At 17, I was 5 foot 7 and wore a size 0. Because of that, I started loving the way clothes looked on me. I took to sewing my own dresses and creating fashion drawings in AP Art instead of still lives. What if I'd never started smoking? Who might I have ended up with?

Just thinking about all of that today.

Monday, December 25, 2006

Merry Christmas

to all, and to all, a good night...

To catch you up.

Vive held a dinner on Friday night. Saturday morning, the Producer and I went in search of brunch in the 14th and U Street areas... strangely, there are no bagel or coffee shops around there. We ended up at Love Cafe for a pricey bacon, egg, and cheese on a bagel... $8 for the bagel and a cup of coffee?

I met Vive and AM at Zaytinya for dinner on Saturday night. Great food and quite trendy for a DC restaurant. After dinner, we met three of AM's friends for a Washington Improv show at Flashpoint Gallery... the most bizarre gallery ever. One display featured condom-like balloons hanging from the wall, another had landscape photographs with the photographer holding a cut-out in the front. Vive whispered to me, "It's like they think hanging anything on the wall here makes it art."

Two improv troupes performed within the hour show. I'd learned in the city that I don't like long-form improv... mainly because if the joke isn't funny, you're stuck listening to it for the length of the show. The first show was MazelProv... a Jewish improv troupe that was funny at times... mixing several of the more traditional improv games (random person in the audience tells of their day) with Jewish humor. The second show was Caveat... and a bad American Idol sketch had me sitting bored for the whole half hour.

After Improv, we all went to Fado for drinks. We were amazed at how packed Fado was... just in case you get stuck in town next year, Fado's the place to go.

Yesterday, Vive, AM, and others came to my house at 7:45 for drinks and snacks before heading to the Matzo Ball at Five, Sesto Senso, and Anjeleiu. I've never ever been to a Matzo Ball before, and, honestly, was a bit scared of what the evening would entail. However, everyone I knew in DC was planning on going, so what choice did I have but to check it out... with plenty of alcohol in my bloodstream to handle it best.

We arrived at a crowded Five to a long entrance line. After paying our $25, we found the coat check line. In line, we were hit on by three people. At least it was a more Kosher meat market... meaning, the pick-up lines did wonders for my self-esteem.

One Guy: "Don't I know you from somewhere?"
Me: "No, I don't think so. I'm told I have a common face, so perhaps you've met someone who looked like me."
Guy: "Oh no, you're much to pretty to be forgotten. I'm certain there's no one else I've met who looks like you."
Me: "Thank you. That was very sweet."

I wasn't interested, but, hell, it beats the lines I got at the Poor House last week. My favorite? On route to the restroom, I got this one:

Guy: "Hi. I'm Jeff. Who are you?"
Me: "I'm Sam."
Guy: "And, what do you do in DC, Sam?"
Me: "Marketing."
Guy: "Oh, I recruit Marketing Executives for a living."
Me: "That's cool. If you'll excuse me, I'm just making my way to the restroom. It was nice meeting you though Jeff."
Guy: "Okay, you have fun pissing. I'll be here waiting when you get back."

Yeah, that's the way to a woman's heart.

So, last night's lines, "I'm sorry, I couldn't let you walk by... I've been looking around thinking how unattractive everyone was... and then you walked by as the prettiest girl in the room. I couldn't not introduce myself."

They were cheesy, untrue, premeditated, and well, completely flattering! I can't complain about the night at all. We danced, drank, and enjoyed. If anything, the night was highly entertaining. Though, I think I expected more making out in the corners and girls dancing on the bars... it was much less MTV Spring Break then I thought it would be. I left around 1pm and slept until 11:30pm. Now I'm going to meet the Master for Matthew and Matthew undressed and then City Lights of China for dinner!

Hope you are having a wonderful Christmas! Joy to the World!

Friday, December 22, 2006

Chapter 2006 Incomplete


I debated changing the name of my blog to Chapter 2007 come January. The problem is, I don't feel like this chapter of my life is over yet. Besides, I'm entirely too lazy to fix my graphics and transfer all the html code over to another blog. So, even though it is 2007, it will always be Chapter 2006 to me.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Victoria's Scandalous Secret

I've not been to Victoria's Secret in a really long time. When I was in high school, my best friends and I used to hit the semi-annual sales and stock up on matching bra and pantie sets... spending hundreds of dollars each year to guarantee that our lingerie matched (it wasn't until college that I figured out you could get one bra and a couple pairs of the same pantie). The irony, of course, is that at the time I was a virgin... TMI?

Over the years though, I've learned that being a size D has less perks than pluses. Business casual works better with smaller breasts... button-ups don't pop and cold offices don't show through a padded bra. So, I've now got a collection of not-so-sexy Maidenform work bras (aka minimizers). Just imagine having two five-pound weights taped up against your body all day. I do have a couple sexier silhouettes for nights out, but nothing like I used to own.

Enough about my chest. So the story of my Victoria's Secret experience today:

My black velvet demi bra strap popped this morning. Victoria's Secret no longer makes this style, but I figured I should replace it with an equally sexy black evening bra (yes, boys, there is such a thing) considering I'm single again and all.

I went to the Victoria's Secret on Connecticut near Farragut Square at lunch.

I forgot completely that I'm a DD at Victoria's Secret. I've yet to figure this out, but, yes, at Victoria's Secret only I'm a 34 DD. Playboy here I come (not).

I picked up a couple different styles on route to the dressing room... one with rhinestones, one with pink satin lining, one with polkadots and lace... and not a soul asked to help me out. I got to the dressing room, and stood, awaiting help to open the door. Note: the store was not at all crowded. I walked back to the showroom and asked for someone to open the door. FINALLY, someone did. Yet, she didn't ask me, "if you need another size, I'm so-and-so, ask for me." I worked at Filene's on the Cape one summer... you could totally get fired for not saying that to customers.

The cups didn't fit. My boobs were popping out all over the place. If I were 16, I would have been thrilled. Being 27 and on my lunch break, I was irritated. I heard someone being let into a dressing room next to me, so I popped my head out. "Hi. Would it be possible to get a couple of these bras in a 34 DD?" "All of them?" She asked. "Yes, I'm a bigger cup size here, I forgot." "Oh, so you want all of them?" "Uh, okay, well maybe just these two. I like them the best I think."

20 minutes later I was fully dressed hanging in between my dressing room door and the wall watching the sales staff chat with one another while customers wandered by... because, ya know, that's what they are paid to do at Victoria's Secret apparently. She returned at long last. "We don't have either in that size." "In any color? Is there anything similar?" "I didn't look. But you're dressed now. Why don't you go look around again?"

OMG! I wish wish wish I was joking right now folks.

"Well," I said, "You've completely wasted the lunch break I'd taken to find a bra. I think I'll just be leaving and phoning your manager." "Uh," she said. I think she said something afterwards to the nature of, "I could help you look," but I was out that door as fast I could fuming.

Funny enough, I just mentioned this story to a friend who said she was just in their last week and everyone working was rude to her too. They stood around and chatted to one another and ignored her. Another friend said they refused to help her locate something that might have been at a different store in the area. Oh, and another friend was told that the gift card machine was down indefinitely.

So, Victoria's Scandalous Secret... it sucks on Connecticut Avenue, and not in a good way...

Matching up...

Missdy often uses the common analogy of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole when giving romantic advice to her friends. Actually, that analogy is a bit dirty when you think about it...

But anyways.

Yes, I do think that Missdy uses a fabulous analogy for many of the romantic relationships I've had or my friends have had... unfortunately, I'm also starting to realize that not all round pegs fit into all round holes. Meaning, just because someone looks like they might fit, doesn't mean they actually will... which might help explain why so many people are just almost right.

I'm not sure how to help my friends with the round pegs that don't quite fit. Is it possible that a round hole can change? Or, is matching up easy enough to determine from the beginning? By believing that only one peg will ever fit into that hole, do you confine yourself to a life of emptiness?

Let's talk about almosts. Goodness, I've had so many almosts. My friends have had so many almosts. There's just always something missing. As a friend recently said about a beau she loves but doesn't think is the one, "I keep getting to that door of forever with him and just not wanting to open it. I shouldn't be hesitating to open it."

Agreed. Jerk was quite the almost. We'd named our kids (Eden and Cale). We talked about where we'd get married and honeymoon. We were at that door... and for some reason, neither of us could open it. He was a round peg. A very, very round peg that lasted for 3 years until one day we both realized we just didn't quite work. I think in the breakup talk he said, "We both keep waiting and waiting to get married, and the thing is, we both know, it just never seems the right time. Maybe it's just not right."

It's those almosts that hurt the most. You wonder if perhaps you could have made the hole bigger or skimmed the peg a bit more. The square ones just don't fit... and it is easy to move along towards a round. Another friend recently said about a girl who didn't work out for him, "she was the first girl in over a year who I could see myself moving forward with... matching with... and now, I'm back to square one."

I hate the feeling of being so smitten with someone that you loose sight of your goal to assess if you indeed match. And, I hate the first time you find out you might not fit perfectly. But, does anyone fit perfectly? Is it naive to believe that you won't need some WD-40 and a couple twists to fit any round peg into a round hole? I suppose it is the assessment of whether or not they've become and almost. Truth is, most of the time, you don't know they were an almost until you meet a match. Damn, life is certainly complicated.

Field trip to Home Depot anyone?

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Why I'm Skipping My 10-year High School Reunion

The only reason to go to a high school reunion in Bama is to see who got fat when you didn't... and now Ruben Studdard wants to take that away from me! Damn, the worst part is, it will probably freakin' work. Since most Bama folk don't have health care, they probably have no idea that being overweight can lead to premature death... however, I guarantee you they all called in for Bo, Taylor, and Ruben every single week. I'm totally skipping my reunion now. I got nothin'!

So, where did I leave off...

The weekend summary: relatively uneventful. Friday night, Jenny's friends had a holiday party in Columbia Heights. She'd been at a work happy hour earlier wearing a mistletoe headband and drinking much. When Vive brought her French friend, Jenny and she spent the rest of night talking in French. The guys hosting had come up with holiday drinks like Santa Clausmopolitans. That was quite cute. District Belle, SW, and I discussed one of Jenny's rather cute friends who wore clear braces. I swear, because of my Mean Girl comments, I'm totally going to be diagnosed with TMJ. Anyways.

Sunday, I had brunch with my cousin at Busboys and Poets where our waiter apparently (the Producer said I use the word "apparently" a lot. Apparently) didn't want to be a waiter. I HATE that... I mean it's not my damn fault I ordered Diet Coke, and you brought me regular... sorry that this is the job you chose, but is it really my fault? I was too scared he'd spit in my food to mention that the chef left the avocado off my sandwich. Thus, my sandwich sucked. I think I've almost always had terrible service at Busboys and Poets. I have no idea why I keep going. Remind me next time, okay?

Monday night was the Annual Hanukkah Happy Hour on the Hill (meat market much?) at the Poor House. The Master was at a Hanukkah dinner at the White House with this Marine she's friends with... someone asked me, quite seriously, why she wasn't squished into the Poor House with us... I liked that I got to say, "hmmm, would you choose the Poor House or the White House?"

I saw APK for the first time in 2 months. Missdy had advised that I should be civil and say hello. I was all prepped to do so, except he ended up coming off the Metro at the same time as all of us. So, I got stuck walking in a small group with him... which made me anxious. In the most patronizing tone ever, he says "Hello Samantha. How are you? Are you going home to Mobile, Alabama for the holidays?" Urg. I shortly answered and then avoided all night.

To BG and JM, I remarked, "it's not like anyone assumes I'm a total sweetheart. I mean, yes, I'm warm and friendly to those I like, but come on, have I even given any indication that I'm not a bit bitchy? I'm pretty sure everyone is rather aware of the fact that I'm a bitch. Fine. So, I don't have to be friendly. I'm a bitch. End of story." I smiled at him when I was leaving, isn't that friendly enough? It's not like either of us has made any effort to get in touch with one another in the last two months. If he's feeling like I'm feeling, life is pretty damn divine with or without him. And, the stress of that relationship was not healthy. So, if we aren't e-mailing or calling, why would either of us want to catch up at a crowded happy hour? Seems that there are more important people that both of us would like to spend time chatting with, no?

I left the bar with the Producer, Southern Beau, and their friend to hit some diner two doors down. Yummy, a diner on the Hill? Who knew? I might go out there more often!

I asked if the Pea wanted to come eat with us. She had decided to stay at the Poor House, and we had a funny misunderstanding. Text from her while I was eatin' (I've cleared up the inevitable drunk text misspellings and added punctuation just for you!):

Pea: So what's the plan? I'm with APK.
Me: Two doors down eating, but APK can't come. I'm with the Producer and crew. So, have fun and I will see you tomorrow night!
Pea: Hey. Just heard your voice mail. Anyhow, I was just saying I was with APK. Clearly not bringing him with. Vive and I went to dinner with two randoms.
Me: Oh geez. Sorry. Totally misinterpreted that. So so sorry!

And this, my friends, is why texting is a bad form of communication.

I had 20 people over for dinner last night. My living room had only the couch left in it... wall to wall tables and chairs. I had cooked everything and asked that people just bring alcohol. I feel like we always run out of alcohol at these events. Of course, this is the first event where we've drank only about 7 bottles of wine. Oh well, guess I'll throw another party and tell people to bring food.

The party was a Hanukkah dinner. No one ever has cheesy parties anymore, so I wanted it to be full on cheese. The Master led the Story of Hanukkah as a Mad Lib.... I created this as a fun way to tell the story of the holiday... it's now being passed around, because I'm fabulous and people love my ideas (just kidding of course). Suave led the Hanukkah trivia game. Team "Super Jews" one the prizes. The White Elephant gift exchange was hilarious. People were told to bring random and funny gifts under $10. You can't steal a gift from someone more than once. I ended up with the hottest item of the night, a watch that's also a lighter (don't ask, but I can see my night out in Adams Morgan now. Dude says, "do you have a light?" and I say "gogo gadget watch!") Other funny gifts included a sampler pack of 40s, a global warming mug, the largest remote control ever (Missdy yelled "oh good, now Bubby can watch TV again!"), a make your own dreidle kit, and a cyber pet. Oh, and AM one the prize for best gift for a framed 8x10 of himself holding a beer up that was autographed "You can do it too!"

Everyone got really into all of the games, so the evening was a blast. Honestly, that's the key to a good cheesy party. Well, that and a whole lot of alcohol. I was definitely not sober.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

I'm a bad blogger...

Sorry for not posting anything today. I've been cooking, no joke, since 9am. My parties set to start in 20 minutes. I vetoed making the bread pudding, but it still took me all freakin' day. I don't mind it, really, so long as it's not a career. That's pretty much why I decided not to go into event planning. I'm so exhausted from cooking and baking and cleaning and decorating that frankly I don't even want the food I slaved over. I much prefer the glass of wine I'm drinking a little too quickly right now.

Happy hour last night at the Poor House was quite the adventure. I met Vive, the Pea, and Eye at the Dupont metro... arriving at the Poor House at 6:30pm. I'll write more tomorrow, but for now, I need to go cook some more.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Just a Thought

Don't you think Extreme Makeover and Dr. 90210 on the Style Network are both poor programming decisions? Since the Style Network is primarily watched by girls like me who love fashion and chick flicks, what moron decided that we were okay with blood and surgery? Just a thought, but wouldn't America's Next Top Model reruns and the Girls Next Door have been better choices? I'll sit through Isaac's show with his annoying banter or Clean House with creepy host Niecy Nash, but I change the channel quicker than Jenny Jones silicon implant exploded when surgery comes on.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Yes, Tom Brady and I are meant to be afterall...

Forwarded from Peter... Tom Brady and Bridget Moynahan have broken up.

My favorite part of the article:

Moynahan, who's 36, has made no secret of her desire to start a family. Asked recently where she'd be in five years, the actress, who grew up in Longmeadow, replied, "Definitely marriage and kids."

Brady, 29, was asked the same question on WEEI earlier this week, and said, "Playing football."

Poor Natasha, uh, I mean Bridget... so long as she didn't chip a tooth after she found Tom hooking up with SJP.

I've got you under my skin...

I've tried so not to give in. I've said to myself this affair never will go so well. But why should I try to resist, when baby will I know than well. That I've got you under my skin.

I feel like I'm 17 years old kissing Darryl in my driveway before he went back to college at Southern Miss... not even knowing what to do with the emotions I felt. I guess I really have been numb these last few years. I can't tell you the last time I had someone under my skin... really, really under my skin... like listening to Sinatra's Under My Skin on repeat! I own the CD from when I first started dating Justin McGowan junior year of college. Nothing Justin did was wrong. I could sit around with Justin doing not a thing and feel like I was happier than I'd ever been. Around date three, Justin grabbed me when I first saw him and pulled me into him for a huge hug... the warmest hug... I didn't spend a night away from him for the next five months.

So, I haven't had someone under my skin in so long I forgot what it felt like folks. Scary feeling... "enjoy it," Suave says... "you deserve it," per District Belle. But, I'm taking it in small doses. If it doesn't work out, at least I remember what it feels like to feel something for someone.

Thursday, December 14, 2006

If we took a holiday...

took some time to celebrate.

I've had that damn song in my head since watching The Holiday last night with District Belle, the Pea, and my Junior League advisor.

Seriously, I want to switch houses with someone in England and have Jude Law pop up at my door and fall in love with me, well Jude Law's character in the movie because I don't think I could handle being Sienna and finding out he slept with my nanny.

Funny, when I said that to the girls after the movie the Pea said "wait, Jude Law slept with Fran Drescher?"

I wonder if there will suddenly be more people house swapping now...

Here's an interesting story.

Now, if only I could buy a house in Los Angeles and exchange it for a house in a small town in London where the owner's brother might stop by drunk and look like Jude Law.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Life with my Nano

I am definitely using my Nano more than my Shuffle. I loaded it up with all 150 of my CDs and heaven even knows how many downloaded songs I have stored on my computer. I've already used up 3 of the 4GB... but, I'm not worried considering what I've put on has been all I've collected since I was 12 years old and asked my father to go out and buy me Michael Jackson's Thriller CD.

My second-cousin's husband is the middle man between wholesale electronic companies and retailers. We had a CD player when CDs in stores were held in those ridiculous long and unnecessary plastic cases. He also convinced my dad that laserdisc players were going to be HUGE, so we have one of those with about 30 laser discs we'll never watch. Anyways, with the Michael Jackson CD, I told my father I wanted his new CD. My dad came back with Off the Wall instead. Michael had some surgery done between those two albums, and I thought he'd gotten me some other person's CD. My mother had to explain to me plastic surgery while my dad went back to exchange the CD for Thriller.

But, back to my Nano now which indeed houses both Bad and Thriller (for those of you bored at work, dude, check out how much his looks changed between each of those albums!).

I've realized that the screen has given me a music ADD of sorts. I can't stick to any genre of music and get bored during songs entirely half the time. Also, much like the tit (the bird you perv) who sings shorter and faster in the city than they do in the country, I find that walking around I prefer loud Tupac-style songs, but in the comfort of my home I prefer Sinatra-style music. FYI, this National Geographic article is really interesting... our hectic lifestyles are actually possibly creating another species of bird.

Okay, off to the movies.

Urg! Firewalls S-U-C-K!

So, my job happiness means nothing to anyone! I'm now firewalled from Google Chat! There are entire friendships of mine that are completely dependent on gchat. This is the end my friend.

On another note, look at this advertisement that was at the top of GMail. Uh, is there such a demand for Jello Wrestling supplies that entire company has been created?

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Introspection Thoughts

I'm making myself stay in this week (except for the movies tomorrow night with District Belle). When I spend this much time thinkin', I start being a bit sappier than usual... so if you don't feel like making a couple gag noises, don't read the below.

I've been offering much advice on introspection lately. It seems that this time of year has people staying away from constant external activity and looking more inside themselves. I suppose I'm lucky that I do believe everything happens for a reason. Some might call that view simplistic, but believing in reason helps me analyze cause.

The philosophy of the wisest man that ever existed is mainly derived from the act of introspection. - William Godwin

One of my friends is going through a breakup. He is spending time dwelling on why he has had the same romatic situation occur repeatedly. Basically, he finds a girl he might like who definitely likes him, and, rather than give of himself right away, he keeps her at a distant while he decides if he likes her. By the time he reaches a decision he wants to move forward, she has disconnected herself from him completely. The most recent breakup has him realizing he never got to know the girl he was dating.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results . -Albert Einstein

The point of introspection after a breakup is NOT to resolve feelings towards your ex. It is impossible to immediately switch your emotions towards someone from romantic to friendly. After a breakup, introspection should be used to assess why the relationship went sour and if the reasons behind its demise are repeated throughout your life. If the problems belonged to the person you were dating, why did you find that person attractive? If the problems were yours, how can you go about fixing them?

You can't always get what you want . And if you try sometime you find. You get what you need. - The Rolling Stones

Does every human think they are destined for greatness? I know that I've talked about this before on my blog. I always think of this Assistant Editor who worked with me at my first job. He was a 40+ year-old alcoholic who never graduated college, cheated on his wife so much she left him, and treated everyone at our television studio like they were out to get him. In an all-staff meeting, we had to go around the room and say one thing about ourselves that no one we worked with knew. I said that I'd spent New Years 2000 at a Widespread Panic concert in Atlanta.

"I'm a genius inventor," he said. "I am working on getting patents for all of my inventions so that I can leave this crummy job." I remember looking at him thinking, do everyone of us think we are meant for something more? Does anyone aspire to nothing? Perhaps introspection should really be about assessing our life and our choices as they are… do we WANT the people we date more than we LIKE them?

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.- Sigmund Freud

I tried to explain love to APK once. "If my brother needed one of my organs or he would die, I would prefer to die than live in a world where he didn't exist. That's why people loose weight and get depressed after they lose someone they love. They honestly don't want to be in a world without that love." His response, "Jewish Law states that you don't have to give an organ if means you'll die."

It is important to know how you define love. All people love very differently, and the type of love you need is not necessarily what your partner is capable of giving you. The most important lesson I've learned in the last couple years is that not everyone wants to fall in love in the same way I do. I'm sure APK will meet someone who compliments him, but the two of us would never work because we love very differently.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission. - Mohandas Gandhi

To know that the reason you hurt is because you care is perhaps the hardest thing to get over. It would be a sad way to live not letting anyone hurt you again. Karma is a wonderful thing. When you are hurt, look at who you have hurt and correct the problem. When I did something wrong growing up, my father used to tell me to stop with the excuses and come up with a solution. How will you make sure to keep the wrong people from hurting you again without locking your heart shut?

The goal towards which the pleasure principle impels us - of becoming happy - is not attainable: yet we may not - nay, cannot - give up the efforts to come nearer to realization of it by some means or other. -Sigmund Freud

Hope this introspection has helped you too!


Does anyone else remember the band Soul Coughing? I started listening to them when I was 15 years old at sleep away camp in North Carolina when the album Ruby Varoom wasn't sold anywhere except for at the indie music store near my house that resembled that place John Cusak owned in High Fidelity. The song I loved was called Janine.

An abridged version of the story, I spent the summer totally smitten with a guy who played guitar named John from upstate New York. He had long hair he tied into a ponytail and spoke about that merits of vegetarianism... so much so that I became a vegetarian for 4 years. My parents, of course, wondered why the sudden change. "Well," I said, "eating a cow and then drinking its milk is like eating a union worker. Would you eat a union worker?" John had convinced me over a camp fire in the Blue Ridge Mountains that eating the product of something and then eating it was wrong. Unfortunately, I wasn't big on too many vegetables... so when I started spilling protein at age 18, I was told I needed to either eat turkey or get shots. Guess which one I chose?

But anyways.

He was really into Soul Coughing and lent me his CD. He said this girl at home was like Janine to him until she broke his heart. He said that was what love meant to him, just drinking up someone. I thought it (okay he) was the coolest thing ever, and, to this day, listening to Soul Coughing makes me smile.

So, I often think about the song Circles in life. You'd probably recognize it, but I don't think it was that memorable song.

I told you about those boys from Boone, NC we met Saturday night who were celebrating their football team winning some championship. Well, look at the email I got from the UMass Alumni Association today... that team is playing my college's team. Random circles.

UMass vs.Appalachian State December 15, 20068:00 p.m. for the NCAA Football Championship

The Minutemen are on their way to the NCAA Division I Football Championship!
The final game for the championship title will be played on Friday, December 15 at 8:00 p.m. EST in Chattanooga, Tennessee. The Alumni Association is proud to coordinate a trip for alumni and fans to cheer the Minutemen on to victory! If you have not already made plans to join us, be sure to do so soon–space is limited!
Click here for more information on the Alumni Association trip to the finals.

All members of the Alumni Association that are traveling on your own to the area are invited to a special private reception at the Max Finley Stadium on Friday, December 15 from 5:30 to 7:30 p.m. Come and enjoy food and beverage in our VIP Alumni Tent for only $25 per person. Click here to register for the VIP Alumni Tent.

Monday, December 11, 2006

Scared Single

At a Junior League potluck last night, LW and I got to talking to 2 other girls... one who had just walked out on a 3 1/2 year relationship (engaged too) with a man who couldn't commit to being the family type... even though he talked that he wanted to raise a family, his actions always said bachelor. The other girl, at 22, was deciding whether or not to leave her college boyfriend of 3 years. She'd broken up with him once before only to find out during the break he'd slept with one of her sorority sisters. She felt like he didn't have the same career drive she did.

I gave the same advice I always give (with a little cringe when I thought about someone getting back together with a guy who'd slept with their friend).

If the problems you have with him or that he has with you are about integrity, you should leave. If they are problems like you don't like the way he dresses, you should stay together.

You'll be fine alone. Don't let yourself stay in purgatory with someone. A year and a half ago I didn't know DC existed... now, I've got all new friends, a better job, and had another relationship end. Trust me, you'll begin to get excited about fitting into your skinny jeans after a breakup.

You may not be able to give of yourself vulnerably to another person in the same way again, but you will be able to give of yourself. You'll just choose wiser.

LW said, "after a serious of monogamous relationships like Sam, I haven't been in one for a while. I've gotten so much pickier in the best way possible."

I won't bore you with all the rest...

After the talk, I felt the need to say, "I'm not quite as tough as I just came across. It is easier to give advice from this perspective." "You're still pretty strong," one of the girls said to me.

Those were some of the nicest words I've heard in a while. I am strong. What's so wrong about that?

I'm freaked out by rats, which I'm sure you know. Walking down the streets of DC, I would scream whenever I saw one and cling to APK. So last night, as I walked down N Street and saw a rat on the sidewalk, I decided to bite my tongue. I stopped for a second, then just kept walking. You know what? That rat heard me and was scared. He ran as fast as he could back under the porch of the house he inhabited. And I just kept on walking... because that's what you gotta do!

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Saturday night and the moon was out...

So we headed over to the Twist and Shout.

My father loves Mary Chapin Carpenter...


Last night, LW, SW, the Pea, Jenny, and I met at L'Enfant Cafe for crepes at 7:30. Brie, bacon, and turkey in a crepe... so yummy. We were faced with the eternal question that Ali and I used to debate in New York... is the hot bartender gay or just foreign?

Ali's much more cosmopolitan than I am. She speaks 4 languages and has lived in Madrid... and always had a preference for foreign men (before meeting her fiance). Out at The Park on 10th street (back when it was a hot place to go in NYC) before seeing the Donkey Show at the El Flamingo Club (back when it was a hot show to see), I was drinking apple martinis with Lindsay and Alison. Incidentally, this was the night I got so drunk that I danced on the platforms at the El Flamingo club after the show when the club turned into a discotheque.

Ali smiled at two incredibly pretty and well-dressed men at a table near ours. "Don't do that Ali! They're totally together out on a date," I said. "Oh no, they are totally foreign. I'm guessing Russian," she laughed back. "No way!" I argued. Sure enough, three new apple martinis were sent over to our table from the gentleman. Thus, the game "Is he foreign or gay?" began for us.

With the new surge of Metrosexuality, especially in DC and NYC, I don't even try anymore. However, the bartender at L'Enfant was unbelievably attractive. It turned out he was foreign, but we were torn as to whether or not he was foreign and gay or not.

After dinner, we went to the Angry Inch for Rob's Fetivus party. Vive had texted right before we left stating that the bar was packed with eligible men and not very many females. When we arrived, we were shocked at the ratio. More guys in a bar than girls in DC is very uncommon. Three marines picked our group up, and Jenny hit it off with the only normal one. The ridiculously attractive Zach Morris-like took to dancing, and Vive and I debated if he was gay or not. When he approached our group, I mentioned to him that I'd been dared to ask him if he was gay, but wasn't drunk enough yet. "That's the first time I've ever gotten that line before," he said. I seriously doubted that one... but he seemed to hate me for the rest of the night anyways.

We decided to dance and the marines joined us. I decided they were like stray kittens... feed them once, and they don't leave you alone all night. Instinctively perhaps, I began chatting with a group of attractive gentleman from Boone, North Carolina. Their football team had just one some championship. The guy I was talking to had just moved here and was looking to get work as a DJ. Not that I'm against guys being into DJing, but I expect that Southerners will be more into rock. I have much less to talk to a Southerner about if they haven't seen Allman Brothers 700 times in concert and know who Drive by Truckers, Cowboy Mouth, and Rollin' in the Hay are. The North Carolina boys invited us to join them at their reserved table at Saki, but we were waiting on some more people to meet us at the Inch... besides, if I remember from dating DJs in the past, being at a club with them is the cheesiest thing ever.

While Jenny and the cute Marine canoodled, the rest of us fought off his kitten friends who insisted on consistently throwing their hands in the air and bouncing a lot. We tried to ignore them until finally they wandered away to find new prey. Missdy arrived and began dancing with the possibly gay kitty... I warned her she'd never get rid of him now.

The bar got insanely crowded, and we all decided it was time to call it a night. Most of the party had already filtered out, although I never said goodbye to anyone. All the same, it was a very fun night out!

Saturday, December 09, 2006

Tid Bits

This Miller ad is my favorite...

For the kid who already has a mansion of his own...

Uh, is this really for sale on Amazon? And if so, goodness, does the $3,000 discount matter?

Is the cliche true?

Do birds of a feather flock together? Should you stay away from a guy who's friend is disgusting? And, what does that cliche even mean?

Birds are of the same type when they have the same feathers; they are of a feather. Birds flock when they join together in groups with other birds. (read more here).

My horoscope yesterday was splendid.

It was more advice than foretelling, but all the same. Isn't it the wish of each of us that the people we consider friends do well in life?

Some people think connections count more than creativity, but you know how to be creative about the folks you connect with. People whom you genuinely like end up being just the bigwigs you need to know.

Vive was approached by a creepy older man on the metro Thursday.

His third question was for her business card. She pretended not to have any, so he gave her his whole 2 page resume. He was a medical researcher. The resume was 2 pages stapled together. She was rather confused as to if this is normal in DC. I don't think it is normal anywhere...

Last night, wrapping presents at the Barnes & Noble in Georgetown for JL...

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting LW and I were a bit bored. After creating one of those origami fortune tellers and copying several recipes from the Bisquick cookbook (all the ingredients just tell you to toss everything together in a bowl and bake. So easy!), we got to talking in what-ifs.

Here's a good one we thought up.

Would you rather be ugly at the beginning of your life and become beautiful later (like the ugly duckling), be beautiful at the beginning of your life and become uglier later, or be average looking throughout your entire life?

Things to consider would be

1) The tormenting when you're a child if you were ugly that would shape your life.
2) The proven fact that pretty people have more advantages throughout
3) The depression that might occur from life getting worse looks-wise.

It was a good topic for debate.

Dude, does every celebrity have a perfume now?

I don't want to smell like Hillary Duff, JLo, Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, Celine Dion, etc. But, if I were Antonio Banderas, I'd be pissed that the American public would pay $39.00 at Sephora to smell like a slutty party girl (or $42.50 to smell like a trashy, panty-less mother of two ) and only $14.99 at Walgreens to smell like me.

Thursday night, what I didn't write about?

I never wrote about our fabulous night out on Thursday. Vive met me at the Washington Design Center for their delicious holiday party at 5pm. They had brought in 8 caterers to give specialty samples... and carolers sang around us as we noshed.

We left the party around 6:45pm and went to the club room at the Meridian in Chinatown for a Taglit Birthright silent auction and cocktail party. AC was hosting, and pictures of Israel were for sale. Missdy, Eye, the Pea, Vive, JM, and I ate falafel and drank wine from the Golan Heights Winery. Southern Beau won a picture of three Israeli soldiers. I won nothing, sniffle.

We followed Missdy to the Department of Commerce's party on 16th where he roommate was having an amazing time. We arrived with time for one glass of wine before the music stopped and the food was picked up, however, the crowd was much younger than I'm used to... maybe next year this is the party I should attend.

Missdy and Eye continued on to Science Club, but a drunk Vive and I went home to bed. I spent yesterday hungover and tired. I am still recovering today!

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Quirks Take 2

At happy hour Wednesday night, Vive was approached by a chick she'd never met in the bathroom for advice. The chick was with her friends-with-benefits who had a girlfriend. She wanted to have sex with this man, and didn't know how to go about getting him to appease her. On return to the table, Southern Beau suggested she give the opposite of good advice, ie "you should crawl under the table and give him head." I screamed, "damnit! It's girls like this that make guys this all chicks are psycho sluts. Want a bet she'll be calling his girlfriend in no time saying she's pregnant with his kid or gave him herpes?" So, I suppose my guy friends must have some noteable stories about girls with quirks.

She said, thus he must say. I tossed out the question to my male friends.

From: Sam
To: The Boys
Thursday, December 7, 2006
Subject: Quirks: A men's perspective needed

Hello to all the men in my world!

So, I polled most of my girlfriends to find out crazy quirks that they'd either experienced or heard men have exhibited. I was looking for everything from "Only watches football with the lights off" to "Must put coco butter on themselves prior to the act." Here are the results as a reference

However, I've been accosted "re: girls have WAY more quirks than guys." In order to make this fair, I thought I'd get some stories from ya'll for tomorrow's post. As I said to the ladies, the reason I need you help is because, dearness, you just can't make this stuff up... people are stranger than anyone could ever imagine.

Thanks for the help!


Geez. And I thought I was quirky! I'm not even going to split them up this time. Enjoy. I'll start tame and move on down.

I know a girl who must apply moisturizer to her feet every night before bed, because she does not like the feeling of dry skin against sheets.

One particular girlfriend of a guy I went to college with had this thing where before she went to bed she would take a cotton ball and hold it between her middle finger and her forefinger. Then she would put her thumb in her mouth. As she was sucking her thumb, she would rub the cotton on her nose. Picture this girl sucking on her thumb as she is rubbing the cotton ball on her nose with her middle finger. She did this EVERY night before bed and claimed she could not sleep without it. He comments, "yeah it was weird, but she was alright looking."

Another girl would turn the knob to her dorm room exactly 95 times to make sure it was locked before she would actually shut it.

Uh, I'm told there is a lady who keeps each piece of her clothing separated with tissue paper while folded in her drawer. Each tissue has the price tag and additional buttons pinned to it... although this may be more OCD than quirky.

Dandruff is not an issue for a lady who showers at least 3 times a day, and then reapplies makeup and blow dries her hair. She's a self-diagnosed germaphope. I've heard of compulsive hand washing... but body and hair washing?

Chocolate ice cream is a fabulous way for any girl to feel better, but what if you had to have a scoop of chocolate ice cream at least once a day? A guy friend of mine was forced to go out in a blizzard to retrieve a pint of Haagen-Dazs for his feining woman.

This is an actual diagnosed disorder, but most guys don't know that, and a girl pulling her eyebrow hairs out one at a time can seem a bit freakish. I just hope they don't date any cutters!

One lady referred to going to the bathroom as "making a sissy"... which, my friend states, may not be a quirk but is absolutely disgusting and strange.

Apparently, ladies have issues with saying they need to use the bathroom. I'm told one girl would ask her man after meals, "do you need to take a doo doo?"

A lady broke up with her fellow, because he wasn't okay with using her toothbrush. She was convinced that showed a lack of intimacy.

Gay male porn is a turn-on to lots of straight ladies, but men don't find is as exciting to watch while in the act with their female partner.

One girl would come over to her man's place with an animal rage in her eyes. She would passionately kiss him, and rip off her clothes... tearing off his shirt (quite an expensive habit) and throwing his pants in the corner. But, she would leave his boxers on while she was completely nude. At that point, she would stop and completely change her personality into a sweet and innocent girl persona who wanted to only cuddle without any further interaction... no kisses, no nothing, slapping his hand or pushing his face away if he tried anything to break the "moment"

A few years ago, another girl that a guy had been on a date or two with made an interesting comment during their first hookup. After a few moments, she paused in the middle, with a tear in her eye, and said - "I have to remember this moment, I want to be able to tell our grandchildren about our first kiss..."

A guyfriend of mine was set up on a blind date last year, after a few glasses of wine, the girl he was out with started to loosen up. She then began an interesting monologue about her past dating life, and how no guy seems to like her. She ended the conversation the statement, "I'm going to turn 24 next week, and I always thought that I would be married and have kids by now. What is wrong with me..."

A friend's buddy slept with a girl, who said "yes, yes, you're fucking me like a pirate" while they were doing it. Neither my friend or his friend have any clue what that meant and have spent many an evening trying to decode the history on that comment.

And finally, not to leave my own quirks out as seen through the eyes of one of my pals from college, I received these quirks amongst a massive list from one of my guy friends. Here's what he said:

I knew a girl in college (and still know her today) who was (1) obsessed with the Kennedy's, (2) fixated with dating IVY-graduate, WASPY guys who could make a good puppet Senator for her own politcal push, (3) "so in love with her job that [she] hate[s] it"

NOTE: re #2: I had a thing for students in Poli Sci in college. And, re: #3: that's about my job at the magazine. I think I've known this friend a little too long!

Here a Quirk. There a Quirk. Everywhere a Quirk Quirk.

Harriet Beecher Stowe wrote in Oldtown Folks in 1869, "Every man had his own quirks and twists, and threw himself out freely in the line of his own individuality; and so a rather jerky, curious, original set of us there was."

A quirk is defined as a peculiarity of behavior or an idiosyncrasy. It is undoubtedly our quirks that make us individuals, but are we living and dating in a world full of stranger eccentricities than ever before?

I've always said I prefer a man with quirks… considering I am extremely aware of my own peculiarities. After all, I do make my bed ever single morning even if my room is a mess, stay away from meat that looks like the animal it came from, and find people dressed in period costume the most entertaining thing in life. But the question becomes, what is too much of a quirk? What borders on the freakish? And, what quirks are enough to discard the thought of being with someone?

Since the strangest quirks are generally not even something the most imaginative thinker could create, I decided to poll the ladies in my life for descriptions. Here are some of the most original quirks you've ever read. I imagine that those of you in a relationship will want to stay in it forever after reading this list, and that those of you who are single might want to join a convent. I’ve separated them into two sections. One about behaviors and one about sexual encounters.

Male-Pattern Badness!

There's a guy out there (with any luck not several) who can only watch football with the lights off while eating Papa John's wings. And yes, they MUST be Papa John's wings. This means that if the closest Papa John’s doesn’t deliver, he must drive or cab to that Papa John’s prior to kickoff.

When passing gas, one guy must lift his left leg…. even in public… and always his left leg.

A sign of too much time in the tanning bed or poor moisturizing perhaps, there is a guy who keeps a soft-bristle hair brush with him at all times in order to scratch his face.

Lying on top of someone's back is the favorite intimate contact for another guy. Not in a sexual way either, just the feeling of being on someone else’s back is good to him.

The line, "You'd wax your back hair too if you had to go hang out with your buddies on the Jersey Shore every weekend," has actually been said by another guy.

One non-medical guy will only use a loofah in the shower; because he is convinced soap breeds bacteria.

Another guy will only chew out of one side of his mouth… hmmm, is it possible that a past dental crisis caused that potential trauma?

Being happy in pictures for one guy is not an option. He refuses to smile in pictures and asks that people posing with him don't show any glee either. He doesn't work for Crest, apparently.

Vanity Smurf has a common following of men out there who check themselves out in the mirror… with Zoolander-esque faces.

And finally, there is a guy who requires people put a fan on, or the sink, when peeing so that he doesn't hear the noise… even when the door is shut and he's in the other room.

I Smell Sex and Candy!

Okay, maybe not candy, but there is a guy in the dating scene who likes to smell coco butter lotion while having sex. He puts some on his hands and chest before the passion begins. I'm guessing that was what his mom kept in the bathroom when he was hitting puberty?

Ears are delicious to another guy. He spent so much time licking his partner's ear that she had to proclaim, "Hey, I wasn't looking for a bath!"

And what's with the handling of breast for so many men? Yo, Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers, the row boat doesn't feel good! I heard of one fellow who kept on tweaking the lady's nipples during a make out session. It hurt her, and she kept moving his hand away. He kept right on moving his hand back until she had to break up the entire make-out session and flat out tell him to stop by proclaiming, "This is not Tune in Tokyo!!"

What sort of unexplored drug causes a guy's sweat to literally take the dye out of the fabric on a couch? But, indeed, I once heard of a guy who ruined a couch simply by sweating during the act.

And, did the Preppy Killer teach us nothing? Strangling during sex is not normal at all! It is bullshit that limited oxygen creates a better orgasm… when has this ever worked?

Dirty talk is hot for many men, but what about dirty talk in a made up language? One guy prefers that his conquests speak in lusty gibberish while he fornicates with them.

Dressing up in sexy lingerie is hot, but if a guy prefers you in his tighty whiteys, might we assume he would prefer another man? And yucky, gross skid marks much?!

For the men out there, here's a female quirk:

One girl broke up with a dude exactly every 28 days for the first 4 months of dating. She'd take it back within a couple of hours, but you can probably guess what day that was in her cycle, right?

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

From Vive. This comic had me laughing.

The Hill is Alive with the Sound of...

Trains, jazz bands, fondue fountains, and more!

Anytime I question whether or not DC is as fabulous as NYC, I remember the holiday party season on the Hill. JK invited JM and I to more holiday parties, and, again, we were thrilled to see how each company celebrated the season.

JM and I met in Union Station at 6pm and went to find tracks 11 & 12 where the CSX party was being held. It felt a little bit like the "I'd like to exchange an egg" episode of 90210. We finally found the track without signage indicating the location of the party anywhere. CSX brought in 4 historic trains and loaded them with buffets and sitting rooms. In the center, between the tracks, heat lamps warmed the crowd as a band played music. The food was delicious and the concept was clever. It was interesting to see the old cabin rooms with beds and couches.

We left CSX around 7:30 and headed into Union Station's main foyer for the Fox/ Newscorp holiday party. According to JK, Fox always has a theme that incorporates a casino. Last years party was magnificent with a Titannic theme. I can't believe I've been two years now! This year, "A Good Year at a Monte Carlo Night Party" was the theme. We were asked to bring non-perishable food items for a Washington Area Shelter. Dr. Blues and The Out of Town Blues Band played throughout the downstairs, with the bar created from vintage barrells and white planks. Faux palm trees lined the ballroom, and the cuisine included tarts and risotto served out of a parmesean wheel.

Upstairs, a raffle ticket and $25,000 fake money was given to you upon entry. Red velvet sofas and lush satin curtains created a vintage casino feelings. JM and I were taught to play craps on a full, real craps table. Dealers wore black tuxedos with vests.

JK met us at Fox, and we headed across the street to the Phoenix Park Hotel for the Lockheed Martin party (again, one we went to last year). The second floor of the hotel was once again used as a maze of different food experiences. This year, carolers were not dressed festivally singing with us, but luckily, the fondue fountains were again around. Check out our strawberry mess below. Mmmmm.

JM and I went back to Fox on our way home, but ultimately called it a night. As JM put it, he wasn't as "wowed" as last year. But, that's also because each of the parties we went to last year, we've gone to again... in the same locations, with the same food, and similar themes. It was still one fabulous evening of party hopping! Oh, yeah, gifts we got... almost forgot.

CSX gave us 256 MB memory drives as a parting gift with the Greenbrier Resort handing out chocolates. Fox was a total disappointment this year, with no gift bags... last year they gave Titannic DVDs and documentaries. Lockheed Martin gave us adorable velvet red bags stuffed with chocolate in the shape of the Capitol and the White House.

A girl could gain 700 lbs this time of year in DC!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Per Chance to Forget

After Jerk and I broke up, I felt the anxiety building inside of me. I wasn't sleeping or eating or happy. It didn't help that we were still living together... and he was staying out all night with the new girl, then coming back the next morning, saying he'd stayed at his sisters. I'm the child of a doctor, so I knew I needed to fix the pain pronto before it consumed me. We had the offical talk on a Monday. That Wednesday, I called in sick to work, saw my doctor for some sleeping medicine, and got a referal to a Psychologist for that day.

I move too fast, she said. I talk too fast, discard clothing that is out of style too fast, walk too fast, drive too fast, etc. Everything I do is catastrophic. I just move on... as I've said before, convince myself not to feel a certain way. "It is a strange way to live your life," she said, "but, the positive thing is that you will forget about this pain in no time at all."

Isn't it funny how each of us thinks back to something we thought we'd never get over and can barely remember the details? I remember around the 3rd month that Jerk and I were dating he had a trip to Maine for work for two weeks. I couldn't bare the thought of not seeing him for two whole weeks. We worked together and stayed together every night. He was everything to me at the time, and I hated the idea of going about my life just the way it always was without him in it. But, after about a week of his being away, it didn't hurt. I started to sleep in the center of my bed again, and shower whenever I felt like getting up. I cooked myself dinner and watched what I wanted to watch. My life went on. When he came back missing me so much, he was upset that I wasn't overly excited to see him. I convinced myself not to miss him, and so, I didn't miss him.

It has been more than 2 months since APK and I offically broke up, and I thought today how much I don't miss him. It wasn't too difficult to get use to life without him. We never talked every day, and we only saw each other a couple of times a week. I have such wonderful friends in DC, and I never felt like APK was really there for me. I would have called BG, Suave, the Master, Eye, Missdy, Jenny before I'd have called him about anything. To be quite honest, it has been harder getting adjusted to not having Peter in my life. But, even that I've gotten over.

I don't pine. I'm not the mushy type, and I just don't see the point in curling up and dwelling on someone's abscence in your life. You just move on. Simple. The faster you move on, the better. And, if someone hurts you, the best way to get over it is to have the time to convince yourself not to feel hurt.

Today, I realized I can't hear Jerk's voice in my head anymore. Without looking at a picture, I have no idea what he looks like. I don't remember his touch or his kiss. And, full months go by that I don't think about him once. With APK, I'm getting there. I don't remember what it was like to have feelings for him. I think the nature of the breakup was that it should have happened long before it did. Because of that, I don't even remember what it was like to see a future with him. I don't miss being with him, and I don't think about him every day.

So, the point of all of this is that everytime I'm hurt, I'll remember that I will forget. I move too fast afterall.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Weekend Review

It was quite the bizarre weekend... I suppose that is the best way to put it.

Friday night, AC and the Pea and I went to this place called the Moishe House in Adams Morgan for a potluck dinner. Four California dudes pay little rent for a fabulous apartment in a major city if they host a Jewish event a month. The house is funded by several different Jewish organizations. There are Moishe Houses in Berkeley, Boston, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Seattle, Washington, D.C., and overseas in Montevideo, Uruguay, and Abuja, Nigeria. The guys cooked a non-kosher meal, and people brought food. There were more than 30 people there, so it was rather crowded. While we did do the blessings over the challah, wine, and candles, some of the people weren't Jewish, and some of them weren't wearing yalmuke. The Moishe House roomies decided to follow a Chabad ritual and tell Hasidic Judaism stories followed by shots of vodka or schnapps. We left before too many shots were taken. We left around 10pm, and I went to see the Producer before he left for India.

The Master: "Why is everyone we know going to India?"

I skipped the cookie exchange to get some down time. Kate and I went shopping at 2pm, and then I met the Master at 8pm to head to LOVE in Northeast for this dude's holiday party. 446 people RSVPed yes to attending. I'm not much a club girl, but, luckily, the party planners had made admission free and rented out the top two floors for the group. Incidentally, the Master and I got lost finding the top 2 floors and ended up on the 3rd floor which was an all African-American high school reunion with a band and carving station. We should have stayed there.

My drink at LOVE was $11! Seriously, if I had paid for a cab to NE and then a cover to enter, and was charged $11 in DC, I'd probably never ever come back! The scene was strange on the main floors anyways. Lots of sub par girls and creepy, GQed out dudes. Our floor was a bit better, though I realized at $11 a drink, I wasn't going to get drunk at LOVE. I left to go to LR's party, but lost the post-it with her address. So, I ended up just coming home... new shirt and all...

I woke up yesterday morning pissed off at my room. I think I must be PMSing. Everything was everywhere, I kept saying in my head. Thus, I drove to Walmart, bought a gazillion plastic containers, and spent the day and evening organizing my room. I also watched the most gag worthy movie on the Hallmark channel starring Tori Spelling, William Shatner, and Gary Coleman. It was called A Carol Christmas... three spirits visit Tori, etc. I sat through the whole damn thing. I'm so ashamed.

Saturday, December 02, 2006


E! THS Investigates on the internet. Child porn, obsessive gaming, drugs, and on-line dating have all been covered. Did you know about the following two dating sights?

Men making over $100,000 a year sign-up for a fee. One man to every nine women. Women's profiles are free. Gold Diggers unite!

A place to post bad guys you've dated for others to see.

Thought those were both blog worthy.

Okay, off to go out in the real world and meet real people.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Tid Bits

Holiday Party Season on the Hill has Begun!

Thanks to JK, I attended the NEI party last night (Nuclear Energy Institute)... she sent out so many on the list that I got confused as to the date, but ended up attending with her and JM for the second year in a row. The party was again held at B. Smith's in Union Station, but this year they requested guests bring a toy for Toys for Tots. The food included a carving station, Asian-inspired appetizers and chocolate covered strawberries. Snowflake lights bounced off the ceiling.

JK is so sweet about including all of us in the invites for these parties. Even at an event like last night's where I don't know what to say to any of the people attending (as you can imagine), I still always have an amazing time. I requested that the next ones I attend with her be the media related parties, because I definitely feel more comfortable with small talk in that arena.

Let No Lost Boy Stand Alone.

Yep, they are all the same. Every one of those Lost Boys. I want to believe each one is better than the next, but of course, there is a reason they are friends. So, I met an older Lost Boy a while ago at a Potluck dinner held by Peter and Ralph. He was wasted from a day of drinking and more annoying than Vanessa Milano and Nick Lachey canoodling all over US Weekly. When I met him again Halloween weekend, I decided he was pretty cool. I was amazed that he admitted, openly, to being embarrassed for acting so annoying when we met him.

I invited him to come along to Ghosts and Spirits at the Decatur House to meet a friend of mine I though might be interested in him. Sure enough, he met 3! The fact that all 3 are in some form of contact with one another didn't seem to matter. He asked one with a boyfriend out, and she said she had a boyfriend, and he ignored it to ask her out again. He took another one out for drinks... and followed up to see her again. Then, took the girl with a boyfriend's close friend out for dinner... all the while asking the boyfriended girl out. And guess what, WE ALL KNOW!

The thing about a Lost Boy is that they're so immature they haven't yet learned how to play the game properly. Suggestion: don't attempt to date 3 girls in the same circle at the same time. Your ultimate score will be zero!

The Baby Whisperer.

I was making fun of the poor person who was forced to produce the Today Show's baby whisperer segment yesterday morning, until I spoke to my coworker who just had a baby. The woman was on Opera a while ago, and my coworker TIVOed the segment. According to her, the whisperer is a mad genius.

Weekend Craziness...

AC's invited me to some mega-dinner party tonight early, then I need sleep. I've got a Cookie Exchange tomorrow morning for Junior League, then shopping with the Master and Suave for something fabulous to wear tomorrow night... then parties in the evening... looks to be a wonderfully fun weekend!